When laughter is painful, life loses its fun.

When the only thing that happens to you is getting laughed by the people you acknowledge as friends, life becomes more miserable.

Sure, there are people who give a shit, they care, they have hopes of you. But I'm not registering it, everyone is too busy to express it strong enough. Why can't I understand that?

So I'm stubbornly thinking I'm so hated, so laughable.

Why is life so miserable still? Why can't I just discard it as easily as how other people discard things?

Just chuck it aside, you have O levels to clear, clear it well, do the teachers and your family proud. Please, stop disappointing people already. They'd hope for the best. You might not get all A1s like those crazy people. But as long as they know you've done your best, achieving decent results, they would be happy.

That still does not give me an excuse not to work for an A1 though.

Really, I need to stop wasting time away. Need to go hardcore. I better stop doing that and actually exact it out.

So, I don't know why, it must be because I have no life. I keep talking and talking, constantly uttering words. It's not like anyone is listening. I don't get reactions, or the reactions are inappropriate.

I can be all anti-social and just say, forget it I shan't talk anymore. Whatever I say matters not. But I still keep spamming. It's just me I guess. Talk without thinking. Does it show that I care? I'm uncertain of how I feel.

I should like, stay away from the society, save myself from harm. So I won't be disturbed, does this sound wimpish?

I can't believe you robbed me of my laughter, laughing now is just so painful.