Voice. And The Confidence Behind It.

For most people, there probably would have been many times in which we just feel down, not good enough, simply put - inferior.

While some may have developed a strong enough confidence in themselves in their early years, some others don't have it that easy. It all boils down to how you perceive things.

To be content with certain things that you happen to excel in. To have the knowledge that you're striving for things that you wish to fight for. To be able to block out everything else in life that tries to drag you down. It all comes with confidence.

So if you think nothing of yourself, that you're a good for nothing and there's nothing to be liked about you, then how can a single ounce of confidence be built in the first place?

All this while in this pursuit, most of it has just been about me feeling inferior, with you having to pull me back to my senses and get me back on track. Only to have me go back to the inferiority once more, and the cycle repeats. I'm glad that I have a friend like you, but there's only so much patience and stamina that any person can give.

I can try. I can practice. But after much thought, I feel that there's a very persistent underlying problem that I've never been able to fix.

I don't believe in myself. And it took me just that one incident to let the truth hit me in the face.

Every time we see or hear some performance going on, it instills this desperate urge, to just become a part of all this. To be able to play good music and influence people. That's what I've always thought about.

But then there lies a difference. At least you have the confidence to back things up. While I don't. And that sucks. The worst part is that I don't know what to do about it, and with each passing day, this only serves to disappoint not only you, but myself as well.

Thus it's another night where I can't go to sleep again.

So many people said that it couldn't be done, I wouldn't make it, it's a stupid thing to do, yet I went ahead to take the first step to pursue it, I wanted to. Yet somehow all the discouragement from before have been deeply engraved in my mind. Can't seem to muster the confidence as much as I wanted to. Can't get it out of my head.

Pick up the guitar. And the memories come flooding in again. It's already difficult enough to psycho myself to practice at home, preferably with no one around, let alone perform to other people. It shows, I fumbled in front of the few people that I knew.

This mental barrier has to be overcome before any further significant progress can be made, that's for sure.

Be confident, that others would love to hear of what you have to share.

I'm so sorry.

Also, life seems to be presenting more conflicts once more. I am but one person. I wish to be better for the people that I care for, but I think I'm quite messed up now. Slowly work things out. Slowly.