Hello

Thinkraga

2012-02-15T22:02:00.001+08:00

I can make it. Not by sitting here, thinking so much and getting affected so badly by everything around me. No.

Do better :)

Living On

2012-01-28T00:13:00.003+08:00

A prayer, the same as every single day, but stronger than ever before.

I know somewhere in my heart, I wish for justice to be done, for a little work of karma. Yet another part of me knows that, what will that do for any one of us?

Please just let me tide through this day.

I'm thankful for those who are sparing their time tomorrow. Really, thank you :)

Scars

2012-01-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

It's been a while!

I've gotten better thanks to everyones' time and support. And it's time to give back. To be better than before.

Life goes on, and I don't think I'll be using this space as much as before now.

Way less. :)

Eternal Pain

2011-12-06T20:19:00.002+08:00

It just keeps coming back. I guess it'll never go away. Numbed to the pain, but the memories remain unforgotten. Knowing me, it is unlikely that they'd die like you did.

Absolute words once again, again with the "never"s, "will"s etc in a negative context. I know this person before, I've fought him and you helped me win. But you've brought it back too.

No, not you. It is all up to myself what I choose to think and feel. It isn't easy, but that's life.

No easy way out. I will fight on, alone.

Alone. But still well alive.

Discard

2011-11-23T22:53:00.004+08:00

You know who you are, if you're reading this, please stop. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I apparently have.

How much it hurts, to be called a burden. Not just by any simple person, not a mere stranger, but the one you've loved with all your heart all this while. Suddenly things just changed and hit me, it was too much to bear and to take. And there was simply no chance for me to breathe, no time for me to think it through, it all happened in a flash. And I never got to see you even one time just to try to work things out. At that point, sure, there was nothing left to be said, the love that was once so beautiful just died on the spot without much deliberation.

No chance, no mercy. Discarded, used and thrown away. The past, the memories mean nothing, for it is the now that matters. The promises of being there for each other always, that we'll make it through, that we'll always be true to each other and try to work things out between us. So they were nothing but empty promises.

I took them for real, I took your word for it. I did my best, I always tried to be there when you needed me, helping you out whenever I could, staying strong when you were away and out of the country for months, with no booking in and out, nights out whatsoever. Never doubting us, never faltering, never wavering.

You couldn't even last two months, and just turned and bared your fangs at me, a person I completely didn't know.

And after all that, much more was lost. So many friends. So much. Why can't I just discard all these like you've done with love?

It's not even right for you to do this with friendships, let alone with love. But with you giving up on me just like that... It makes it so difficult to hold on to everything else now.

When so many people have given up on me already, the many people that I thought would be there for me, even without this happening.

But hey, this doesn't mean I'll give up now.

Life goes on. It's difficult to go on like this, but that's no reason to stop trying.

I... Loved you.

2011-10-23T20:08:00.001+08:00

I hope that's the last of it, after hearing all this today.

2011-10-20T21:39:00.002+08:00

New skin, new understanding, new way of life. Living everything anew.

I remember saying this many posts back:

"I pray that you'll tide through this, rough period of time and come out even stronger. Some pains aren't worth enduring, some emotions aren't worth keeping, some memories aren't worth cherishing, sometimes it's better if we let go. We should when it comes to this."

Though the case somewhat differs, this still applies. I said it myself. Should learn to heed it. To practice what I've preached lol. But it's never worked this way has it? XD

You died. And so should I. Like you, I'll be alive again and better. I just need so much more time.

Even if it means going it out alone, I will fight on. Or at least till my sanity gives way, Seletar Camp is madness! XD

Just kidding, I'll make it. :)

I'll be alive again.

2011-10-16T21:51:00.001+08:00

It starts from tomorrow onwards. Almost all preparations are done. Just need a little more time out of tomorrow to finish it once and for all.

:) I'll be alive again.

2011-10-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

Know pain, know hardship, for how else will you truly appreciate happiness and everything else around you? Do you really appreciate how good it is to be well, healthy and still alive? Do you know how much untapped potential you have in you? There's just so much ahead of all of us.

Why live in decadence, why complain when the going gets tough? Why run away and give up just because of small little setbacks? Even if those are major setbacks, so what? Fight on and come out stronger.

Live so much better. And now, fight for your dreams, do your very best. No excuses, no complaints. Just dedication and discipline.

The day is almost here. Make your life a more meaningful one, for the world doesn't revolve around you, you make it a better place on your own.

2011-10-09T01:22:00.003+08:00

OJE extended by 1 week, no complains there, more time for me to transit. The past week has been quite fierce, really hope that the conclusion of our OJE will be an ideal one, at least give me something that I can live with for 1 year plus more. We shall see, either way, suck thumb haha.

I'm really thankful though, getting to go out and just have fun again. Sure, there's no running away from the pain no matter how hard you try, but at least it's good to know that some people are still around for you.

The pain, it shows that you're still alive. With that, I'll keep trying to embrace it and move on.

Still, I can't help but to keep thinking, where are you my friend? I thought you'd never leave. In the past you told me it'll really hurt you if I walked out, so I promised you that I'll never do that to you. Where are you now? Just hope you're still the same person I used to know.

1 more week to go.

2011-09-24T20:08:00.002+08:00

It felt as though I had a knife through my heart since last night, no kidding nor exaggerating here, seriously. It's as though something happened which I shouldn't know about. My mind playing tricks on me again? Or am I still connected in spite of all this?

All the misery that keeps accumulating and coming back to you in waves, put it aside. Learn to come to an understanding. The more shit that comes my way, the more it makes sense now.

Come out stronger, don't you dare collapse and give up now.

7th October should mark the end of OJE, from then I'll really put in all my effort, to make a change.

2011-09-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

Really hope what you said was true, and may that day come soon enough.

In the meantime, learn to live better, keep that heart well and pumping. So much you can achieve over 2 years of free time, use it well.

Nothing much left to say now I guess, until next time! :)

2011-09-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

Wonder how long can I keep this up. I don't wanna change just like this. But the longer this goes on, the less meaning it is to be a nice person anymore.

I said I'd leave you alone to the best of my ability, so you can be happy and free. So if you're reading this and don't think you can take it, then I guess you should stop like, now. I need to vent all this out, bottling it all up by myself, I'll seriously just lose it someday.

I don't want to go back to those old days where I hated myself, her and everything else, I can look back and know how stupid that was, how it wasn't helping anything.

But this time it's different. This time I did get the girl. This time we got closer than I thought I could get with anyone else. This time I thought it'll be the one and only time. This time I thought we were invincible. That we would always be there for each other no matter what, through thick and thin, for all time. I mean, isn't that what you do for someone you truly love?

I gave it my all. Sure I had my flaws, we had our flaws. And that's when arguments happened, but we were supposed to move on and improve on ourselves each time it happens. Nobody argues over no reason at all. And frankly, most of the time that we argue, you couldn't see my point and I couldn't see yours. To both of us, each of us were just being ridiculous. And it always came to the conclusion that we'll just put it aside and move on.

No relationship is perfect after all, no one is. Definitely you'll face those ups and downs and arguments amidst those good times. But it's part of loving one another that we choose to improve on ourselves and become better for one another.

I'd like to bring back this quote that I guess will stick with me for quite a long time since the last time I heard it.

" When something or someone is really giving you problems, then stop and think about it: ' Do I really have to let this bother me? ' "

I never knew you would someday think like that too. But now looking at the environment you and I were put in, it comes as no surprise.

Seriously. OK I shouldn't say anything more before this gets uglier.

But know this. In spite of all that has happened, I can never bring myself to hate you. Because I wasn't the one who let go of all this, it's not that I'm still hanging on in hope of us getting back together again, for I know it's no longer possible.

If you believe you're happier now, having not to go through what we had to go through, being apart for months while you headed back home, being from a different JC, staying a distance from each other, struggling through NS, then go ahead, you know I just want you to be happy like always.

I meant it when I said I had too much to live for, which was you. I meant it when I said you were worth the pain. And I believed in you.

Now look what happened, look how it crumbled.

Sorry but I just had to be selfish for a bit. I can't keep living like this. I don't have a new partner with me to keep me going. Not like I need it, or any sort of replacement for that matter. I don't have the fun life you're having now.

Yet in spite of all this. You know. I'll still always be there for you no matter what.

I guess now even if something does happen in CBRE, I'd go with less regret. But it shouldn't be that fierce la eh? XD

OK, I should get going.

2011-09-04T02:14:00.003+08:00

Breathe. Breathe. Remember to breathe properly. Apparently you're still quite alive.

It's painful, most certainly, but it's reality. Don't deny it, don't run away from it, just face it. Just accept it.

In fact, in a way it's good to know that it hurts so much, for how long, we'll just have to see.

Seriously gotta pick myself up again and get back to the life I used to know. The upcoming 1+ years will be long, make the best out of it, become better than I used to be.

Thank you, for everything, for the good times. Sorry to have been a boyfriend with so many issues. And congratulations, all the best to the two of you.

:)

Life. Live on.

2011-07-04T19:11:00.002+08:00

Let's see how this week goes before we say anything.

It's the block leave alright. Perhaps a tinge of hope to straighten things out, or at least my thoughts.

:) It gets so difficult to carry on smiling sometimes. Especially now.

Yet there's no getting out of it, just tank and live it through, with whatever support I have.

Take 2 years of my life, and for some reason, I seem to be losing everything already. Of course I know, it's what and how I think of things.

The countless times you've told yourself, can you pick yourself up already?!?

Now look how far you've come? Good job. Is anyone supposed or obliged to help you? And can't you help yourself?

This isn't healthy lol. I'll get off now.

2011-06-19T00:23:00.004+08:00

Guess last week went quite badly, accompanied with sickness. Couldn't and didn't feel like going out, spending time with family really did help quite a lot, really don't know what I'd do without them.

Now this week went much better, finger healing up and looking better, just came back from a fruitful day with friends, and tomorrow shall rest up and have more family time. Thanks to those who made today a better day! :)

Whatever goes on in camp throughout the week will really affect your mood when you book out. It's good if you have friends there who are close to you and will make things better.

But I guess in army, it's difficult to think about how others will feel, to hell with your sensitivity. So? Just let everything happen and pass you by.

With all else aside, today really was a good day in a long time. But we mustn't forget to get back to reality.

Later on today, it's back to camp I go. :)

2011-06-11T23:23:00.003+08:00

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Map Of The Problematique - Muse
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Fear
And panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel
Like everything I saw
Is being swept away
When I refuse to let you go

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?

Life
Will flash before my eyes
So scattered and lost
I want to touch the other side
And no one
Thinks they are to blame
Why can't we see
That when we bleed we bleed the same?

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?
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Why can't we see,that when we bleed we bleed the same?

I wish I knew, but it wouldn't matter if I did.

Never could handle things right anyway.

2011-04-30T08:11:00.002+08:00

Perhaps I'm just crazy. Unable to focus, unable to do everything at once. I've tried, but I guess I'm just not good enough. Just one person after all.

I'll just have to do what I can, with whatever time that's left. No point not doing anything just because of all the things that I can't do.

I just hope that you all will understand.

The time is coming! Haha :)

2011-04-06T01:32:00.002+08:00

Better now :) Almost done with everything, no regrets from here on out.

I may be clumsy, I may have been a disappointment, perhaps it may have even been weird.

But I've always meant well.

OK time to sleep!

2011-04-03T23:09:00.003+08:00

Just keep finding a reason to beat yourself up, when will you ever become stronger? When will you stop falling over all these tiny details? When will you learn to understand and to ask less of everyone? Just who do you think you are?

Damn, just when I was the one telling my friend how we shouldn't think like this, I start becoming like this. Epic isn't it? Not practicing what I preach.

I keep forgetting my place in this setting. Like I've told myself countless of times.

Yeah, I should just shut up. Kill these emotions. How humane.

Now to carry on to look for some random song I heard at HMV today but have no idea what title it is, or by whom. Just know it sounds like Muse, just not as awesome. The TV screens there gave me the song that was playing, but now that I search for it, it wasn't the song -.-

Off I go then.

2011-03-28T21:49:00.002+08:00

Keep forgetting my place in such a setting. Another thing that will take some time to learn.

Yet no matter what, I'll still stick to what's been planned. And just get through with it.

Nobody said life was perfect. Just make and think the best of it. :)

2011-03-15T22:56:00.002+08:00

Another blogpost, haha!

It's been days since the last one, of course much has happened. Needless to say, one of them being the A Levels results. Oh look, I already said it. -.-

That's not the worst of it, there's also the conflict about having to decide what to put for University course choices. I know I've pretty much set my mind on going into teaching, the problem now lies with which path to take to get into it. And will I even get through?

We have some time, let's slowly and carefully think things through, we'll figure something out in time to come.

Hmm.. yet somehow, with everything else put aside, unexplainably, feeling somewhat miserable. :x Every single day of work passes me by, don't know where that brings me. I think I need some time to catch up with the other things in life.

Perhaps a day off is in order, I don't know.

Or I just need to plan my schedule better.

It's funny how you can get so concerned with how people feel and think about you, what people see and talk of you, only to realize after what seems to be an eternity of circular arguments that you don't have to care when they don't anyway.

It takes a little getting used to, but I guess eventually..

You'll just have to learn. Guess that's what life is mainly about, learning XD

2011-03-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

Losing touch with the world. If NS is going to make things worse, then it's high time I make some changes.

For now, just struggling with work matters. Can't say that I'll be happy to leave the place, yet some things call for a sigh of relief by then. Sad to say.

The future will always remain unknown, just bide your time and it will tell.

And in the spare time, how should it be spent properly? Hmm...

2011-02-24T23:34:00.001+08:00

Crumbling. Crumbling. Yet you can't fall right now XD

Been a hectic time over at work, not just mentally and physically draining at times but emotionally as well.

What to do, we're only human. Gotta be strong :)

2011-02-22T23:34:00.002+08:00

See Past The Superficial.

Care, only for those who matter.

Write it off, don't let your heart ache any further when it is pointless.

It's a crazy world that we live in, we can only learn to adapt, to come out stronger from each obstacle that may come our way.

2011-02-16T00:05:00.002+08:00

Voice. And The Confidence Behind It.

For most people, there probably would have been many times in which we just feel down, not good enough, simply put - inferior.

While some may have developed a strong enough confidence in themselves in their early years, some others don't have it that easy. It all boils down to how you perceive things.

To be content with certain things that you happen to excel in. To have the knowledge that you're striving for things that you wish to fight for. To be able to block out everything else in life that tries to drag you down. It all comes with confidence.

So if you think nothing of yourself, that you're a good for nothing and there's nothing to be liked about you, then how can a single ounce of confidence be built in the first place?

All this while in this pursuit, most of it has just been about me feeling inferior, with you having to pull me back to my senses and get me back on track. Only to have me go back to the inferiority once more, and the cycle repeats. I'm glad that I have a friend like you, but there's only so much patience and stamina that any person can give.

I can try. I can practice. But after much thought, I feel that there's a very persistent underlying problem that I've never been able to fix.

I don't believe in myself. And it took me just that one incident to let the truth hit me in the face.

Every time we see or hear some performance going on, it instills this desperate urge, to just become a part of all this. To be able to play good music and influence people. That's what I've always thought about.

But then there lies a difference. At least you have the confidence to back things up. While I don't. And that sucks. The worst part is that I don't know what to do about it, and with each passing day, this only serves to disappoint not only you, but myself as well.

Thus it's another night where I can't go to sleep again.

So many people said that it couldn't be done, I wouldn't make it, it's a stupid thing to do, yet I went ahead to take the first step to pursue it, I wanted to. Yet somehow all the discouragement from before have been deeply engraved in my mind. Can't seem to muster the confidence as much as I wanted to. Can't get it out of my head.

Pick up the guitar. And the memories come flooding in again. It's already difficult enough to psycho myself to practice at home, preferably with no one around, let alone perform to other people. It shows, I fumbled in front of the few people that I knew.

This mental barrier has to be overcome before any further significant progress can be made, that's for sure.

Be confident, that others would love to hear of what you have to share.

I'm so sorry.

Also, life seems to be presenting more conflicts once more. I am but one person. I wish to be better for the people that I care for, but I think I'm quite messed up now. Slowly work things out. Slowly.

2011-01-16T02:39:00.004+08:00

Today's post in a long time begins with this question.

How far are you able to kill your emotions?

Emotional attachments have probably played a major part in most of peoples' lives. Say, for instance, a young child who loved his water bottle so much and brought it everywhere, kept it by his side all the time; only to lose it one fine day. Yeah, simplicity and childlike innocence displayed in this example.

Of course the boy would be terribly sad. And that feeling, can also be referred to as hurt. Resulting from a loss, damage or termination of an emotional attachment.

Why do some of us even get emotionally attached in the first place? For that sense of security? For that warm fuzzy feeling that envelopes us, the feeling of acceptance or being at ease? It seems innate in most of us in the beginning, especially when we are young, to get emotionally attached to many things, leaving ourselves vulnerable and prone to getting hurt.

Our favorite pencil case, our dear cuddly toys or perhaps even a flimsy and dirty bolster that we used to hug to sleep at night. We may get hurt when we lose these things that we once held dear, yet we may learn to become stronger from the hurt, or it could go another way, in which we develop a greater need for greater emotional attachments.

Gradually, later on in our lives, I believe all this hurt could lead to at least 3 possible outcomes.

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1) We Just Can't Seem To Let Go. The increased need for emotional attachment and affirmation causes us to cling. We hold on in the hope that these bonds are still there and lasting, even when they are already broken or non existent. We hold on even when it hurts or disappoints. Because we cherish and go all out for all that we hold dear. However, perhaps due to this condition, it may seem that there is simply too much that we cherish. It is impossible to love everything and everyone that we encounter, much less for them to reciprocate the same emotions back to us.

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2) We Know What's Important. The sentence speaks for itself. All the hurt that we have gone through in life may also have taught us this valuable lesson that, only those that are important deserve our emotional attachment. We know how to treat the right people right, and the wrong people right. We've learnt how to deal with all sorts of people. Say, be nice to friendly people and don't pay too much attention to assholes.

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3) Do We Know What's Important? All that hurt throughout our lives so far has taught us this. Enough with this. Time to cut off most ties, shut ourselves off from most people and stay in our shells. No more emotional attachments.

- It's time to kill our emotions.

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Of course, how we respond to our thoughts of emotional attachments may differ from person to person. A person who just doesn't know how to let go may not know how to maintain these emotional bonds well, and gradually loses most of the people that he cares for. Or should he know how to do so, but just can't seem to handle the overwhelming load of relationships that he has forged.

But that is not exactly of concern over here. How far are you able to kill your emotions?

If you are able to eradicate your emotions almost completely, does that imply that you are the superior one? For you would then become no longer vulnerable to hurt?

But should you have the lack of emotional support behind your back, how far would that actually bring you in life?

There is this, plague that is possibly spreading quickly through the world. This disregard for others.

Disregard for others' lives, religion, race, and emotions.

Lives taken for granted when people are killed over little or no reason.

Religions getting mocked at or used.

Racist remarks here and there.

Emotions regarded as squat.

Who gives a shit? It's all about the individual these days.
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Hello! Good job if you've read up till this point, wonder who still reads this space anyways. The above just came into mind. I've been thinking about a lot of things at work.

Yes, been working since last week. The first week was said to be a tough week. No kidding haha, there was much walking and talking to do, and me having flat soles wasn't helping. But I got through it. There were funny and awkward experiences every now and then, yet I am thankful for everything that has happened, there had always been something to learn from all this.

Life in future will be like this too. I've really learnt to cherish my times with people, most importantly family and friends. Got a better planned and organized way of life as well. So work is good in that sense.

I'm sorry that I couldn't have been better though. For most things. These I still have to work on. To Be A Better Man.

We'll see in time, I'll keep trying :)

On a last but not least note as always, take care my friend.. All I can do is just, hope for the best and do what I can, whatever that is within my means.

2010-12-11T16:20:00.003+08:00

Empty. And it's probably just going to get worst.

It's funny, how the end of A Levels would supposedly bring about a new lease of freedom, as we no longer have to struggle and fight for grades in the meantime. We can just sit back, relax, and practically do whatever we want now eh? Everything legal that is. XD

Anyway anyway.. I don't know why but apparently it isn't going the way it's hyped up to be about. With all the recent happenings and what's about to happen, I feel lost, stuck in a complex dilemma and simply do not know what to do. Empty.

One - Regret
-For all the lost times, all the lost chances of being there for others, all the misplaced priorities, the lost friendships and god knows what else has vanished. Yet most of it is gone for good. Simply regretting and lamenting would not do you any good. Make do with what you have and whatever time you have left. Continuing to feel empty wouldn't get you anywhere and there's probably nothing much you can do about things anyway.

Two - Dilemma
-The inability to choose one out of a variety of options. In this situation, the indecisive would face a difficult internal conflict. You could run away from having to choose, yet may your conscience haunt you. In my case the right option is pretty clear, yet given the current circumstances, heavy opportunity costs are involved as well, hence the severe dilemma.

I'm seriously at a loss.

Three - Pursuit
- Find a job, resume band practices, catch up with friends etc. Will there be time?

I think I seriously need to talk to someone who'll straighten all this out.

On a final and most important note:

I pray that you'll tide through this, rough period of time and come out even stronger. Some pains aren't worth enduring, some emotions aren't worth keeping, some memories aren't worth cherishing, sometimes it's better if we let go. We should when it comes to this. Take care..

2010-11-28T19:56:00.003+08:00

And here's where it all ends, the 2 year long arduous journey. Time to go down memory lane~

Don't know who will read this, in particular any YJCians, but nonetheless, just felt like reminiscing.

Most certainly, it was a strange, yet thrilling new feeling, having to step into a new school, meet new people, facing a new and probably harsher education system than before.

Most of us were quiet, perhaps fearful of befriending the wrong company, or simply shy to get to know someone new. So most of them tried their best to find their secondary schoolmates, recognize primary schoolmates while some individuals chose to try and befriend some of these new strangers.

Well, the class that I got into, had absolutely no one that I knew. Richie and Shawn got into the same class, while Shi Yuan ended up in some other class solo as well, and that was it for the Catholic High boys that got into YJC. So yup, it took quite an effort to try and bond with the people, when you're all alone.

Thankfully, it started off quite well, orientation was rather fun and finally got to know most of the people in the class from that. Once in a while, some people joined the class, while others left. For those who left, there wasn't much of a chance to get to know them better. And for those that just joined, it probably meant another lively member of the class to get to know. As the saying goes, the more the merrier eh? XD And it was these new friendships that wiped off my thoughts of transferring to CJC, with the additional incentive that it's so nearby. :X

Following orientation was a round of lectures and mini lessons (was there?). It was quite intimidating, especially with Mathematics bringing in new complicated stuff like Summation and Series which I seriously couldn't understand no matter how much I racked my brains for it. Times like this makes you wish that teachers like Mrs Chew was there in YJC to help :/ But nope, new school, new teachers, new independent learning. Luckily there was Richie who helped to shed some light onto the topic XD Really saved me back there. :D

Then came the orientation camp at Bintan. The long time that we spent together and the fun activities that we shared really lead us to know each other better, or at least that was what I thought. Either way, it was a refreshing and wonderful experience, something I doubt I'll forget. (Remember the stupid non-stop jokes late into the night? XD)

And then the rest of the years pretty much flashed by, making friends, losing friends, gradually and unknowingly drifting away from most people, disputes, laughters, outings, funny incidents in lessons, failing Mathematics non-stop, sleeping in class, etc.

As the mugging for A levels went by, I got to look at my old notes again, on which there were many memories left imprinted upon. All the crazy doodles and writings that some people would've added on to the notes, although most were by me XD

Anyway, that's all in the past. I made friends, I lost some, and some mysteriously vanished. Times are strange but we should all move on, it's only the present that matters :)

Last paper to go! :D

2010-10-28T23:22:00.004+08:00

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Coincidences In A Small World
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The third week of study break is ending, pretty much salvaged two major Math topics, leaving one and two halves of Math topics to finish. Can be done! Must be done by the weekends! RAWR.

Skimpy revision for Biology, there's definitely much more to go and more practices to be done.

Sadly, Chemistry remains untouched, I'll get to it next week.

And Economics? Well it's so so, haven't touched it but it still seemed quite OK during today's consultations, yet definitely lacking finer details and evaluations. It's quite a morale booster XD

GP remains enigmatic as always. Better start reading up.

Well enough about the study break, there's still time, make the best out of it. Because most importantly, don't give up and keep believing in yourself!

Either way my road is pretty much set, I don't see myself wanting to do something else. I'm aiming for NIE. Teaching will be fun!

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The People That You Get To Meet In Life
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Those that hardly seem to place themselves over others. Really makes you wonder what goes through their minds at times, what proper upbringing they may have received, or rather, what shaped their character that you witness today. Regardless, it's simply admirable.

Unless, there are motives behind this.

Those who do things for a favor in return. Those who simply refuse to assist others unless there's something to gain for themselves.

And then,

Those who are content. There's no need to lament excessively over what's lost, nor rejoice too much over what's gained. Simply put, they are content what whatever that comes and goes.

Those who care, but are unable to express their thoughts out properly, and it may come out the wrong way. Your intentions are right, but you just don't know how to help, do you? Well good luck to you, and may the people around you know that you care.

Those that bottle up secrets and emotions, sharing them with only those that are dear and that they can trust well. Yet wearing a smile on their face, carrying on with their lives, perhaps so as to not burden others unnecessarily with their problems. They don't need to know.

But actually, sometimes they want to know, they actually do care. Yet perhaps its not that easy to earn that trust I suppose.

Those that move on with their lives if they feel that you don't care anymore. They are able to let things go freely and simply. If they think you don't give a shit, then there's no point in clinging or trying to make things better. Walk Away.

Those who are weird.

OK, could go on forever but think I should go to sleep soon for more studying and lessons tomorrow.

BYE!

2010-10-20T01:15:00.003+08:00

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum (with guitar lesson in the first part)

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beautiful song, and the guy has a nice voice :) Maybe someday.. :X

Study break has been on for quite some time. There has been progress, it's slow, but at least it's progressing :) Can't say I'm putting in my all because I'm still slacking from time to time. We'll just see how this goes. But better buck up :/

Can't sleep. Maybe because I've already napped before this, maybe it's the stress at work again, maybe it's the dreams on hold, maybe I just need you now.

It is really a quarter after one, I really am alone and I really need you now..

I'll just turn off the computer, and continue trying to fall asleep. Can't wait to see you again tomorrow!

2010-09-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

Hello. Prelims ended quite some time ago, say.. 3 weeks ago? Can't really remember, it felt like ages. Well to those that have faced the wrath of Prelims, the disappointment of receiving bad results, or to those that have never failed a single paper before the Prelims, fret not! We still got 2 more months to fix it!

Yay.

Can one luh, the most important thing is that you must believe in yourself all the way, as bleak as it may seem!

Because if you don't do anything about it now and just remain disappointed, where would that get you? When are you going to try to make a difference? After A's? Don't you want that sense of guilt free satisfaction after the A's to do whatever you want to do?

So yup, no wallowing in self pity, get back up and fight on! :)

For those still in the midst of facing Prelims or about to face them, jiayou and all the best! The same things above apply to everyone.

Anyway! I must say, it's been a good week of a holiday, finally got to exercise quite a lot thanks to Gran and Grace. Thanks! :)

Also, celebrated 1 year of being together! That really was a good memorable day :D And even up till now, still can't take spicy food >< Indonesian food really tastes good, wonder how the authentic ones will be like? :D

OK enough with this post, should get to the sleeping!

Time for the blog to die again :)

2010-08-16T03:54:00.003+08:00

Hello, Prelims are due to happen next week. Been studying for a bit the past few days, shall keep pressing on. Rested much and had a good weekend as always, perhaps rested a bit too much :X

Can't seem to go to sleep, hence this post at such an unearthly hour. I feel like I need to talk to someone but no one is online of course XD No one I'd really want to talk to anyways :/

At some point of time in life I told myself, no matter how mediocre and pathetic life may seem to others or even yourself, just be content, cherish it and live on, because it's simply a wonderful blessing to be alive.

Don't compare your life with others'. Everybody leads different lives facing different conditions. Some may have been better off, while others may not be as lucky, it is the choices that we make and the actions that we choose to do that eventually determines how our lives turn out.

While you may be well to do, should you indulge in luxury and whatnot, how far would that get you? While, you may be facing tough obstacles in life, should you become stronger by overcoming them and moving on, would that not make you a better person in life?

There was once that I dreamt really big, and I still do it seems, for this is partly why I've been unable to go to sleep for certain days, like this one.

Still remember the first few steps that I took towards that. Sure, they may have been small and unimpressive, but finally I tried. I may not have been well supported, but finally I took the chance.

I honestly admit. I've changed. Those days are now far behind me. When was the last time I picked up the guitar? When was the last time I went to some rundown studio just for a few hours of fun and practice? When was the last time I sang, to myself even? Yet I still can't let go. I know I can't play darn well, I can't sing darn well, I don't have the good looks nor the confidence..

But is continuing to shoot myself down like this and not doing anything about this dream the way to go? What happened to fighting for your dream and all that shit? Can you look back and assure yourself with a: " At least I tried hard enough. "? I doubt I can.

Then again, maybe the mere essence of music making would suffice, you don't have to go that far. Like you could make it that far or manage anyways. And also, people usually don't know what they want do they? For all you know, this might not be what you want? OK I'm just bullshitting.

Sure, I can say, I'll get to it after A's. But I still can't let this feeling go. Life is harsh, and sometimes, dreams have to be forsaken for such a harsh reality.

We got to study.

Yup. Gotta clear my mind of all these nonsense and gear up to study all the tomorrow. Prelims are coming.

Life after A's, we'll see :)

Thank God I'll be meeting Gran tomorrow, right timing XD

2010-07-29T21:13:00.002+08:00

The Anger Simmered.

Thanks a lot for calling, really made my day :D

Don't really have to type out what happened. But I guess it's time for a change. Perhaps it'll make things better.

OK off the computer now!

2010-07-27T21:12:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I last touched the computer. Good job XD

Won't be on for long. Just a little while :)

30 Seconds To Mars. So far only This Is War is nice to the ears :/ Introduction a bit the noisy though ><

Just finished filing up Chemistry stuff, a few missing bits but will sort it out when I have more time on my hands. Will just make do with it and study up for now :))

The Avoid.

Today ended with a huge sigh of relief. Just when I thought I would fail to help a friend yet again, only to disappoint, things finally worked out. :D

I still need to be better for others though, must work hard. Yet sometimes I wonder if it's worth it at times.

Who are you to help? Who said we needed your help anyway? You call this help? Don't think so much. When people do need you, they'll ask for it. If not just mind your business and keep your distance. I'll be on my own :) Hence the avoid.

One of the things that I still have never been able to grow out of, would probably the inability to let go. There are times when people seriously don't wish to associate with you at all. So don't try it, lest the situation gets worse :) I'll learn though.

Still remember the things I used to say. I may be dull, weird, lame, crazy, nonsensical, retarded most of the time and that may get on your nerves. But if I'm really your friend and when you count me as one as well, I'll care. I'll be there.

OK enough random musings. Study study :)

Can't wait for another Wednesday and another Friday+Weekend!! :D

2010-07-25T21:15:00.002+08:00

Distancing. Am done playing and engaging in distractions. Time to print out the stuff.

Will begin filing up things tomorrow and Tuesday as well, seeing as there is early dismissal for these two days. Thank God :D

Economics timed practice tomorrow. Chemistry test on Wednesday. Math Tests on Thursday. Woohoo~

A bit late but at least I'll be starting. Sorry for not being a good influence and encouragement Vanessa, I'll work harder! RAWR!

Shall sleep early. Do some work first :)

School school school school school. Mentality fix.

I'll see you soon enough, be strong in the meantime OK! :)

2010-07-18T23:02:00.002+08:00

Wow another post!

As bleak and tiring as things may seem to be right now, don't give up! Got to get moving quickly, will start filing everything up and getting myself back together.

I can't demean that inspiration that you've given me by letting it die at this point of time. It doesn't matter much what kind of teachers you may get, what counts is the effort that you put it.

I'd like to return to Catholic High to show them a proper A level certificate at least. And so, with that in mind, time to go all out :)

And so, goodbye once more! :D

2010-06-28T22:52:00.002+08:00

DIE BLOG DIE!

OK just kidding. Been MIA for quite a bit eh? Alright, maybe it's not just a bit. Oops. :/

Many things have happened since then, many of which I can't exactly recall.

Twisted my ankle, which till this date still affects me. Can't walk much. Let alone jog or run :( Hope it'll heal completely in time..

Really got to thank everyone for their birthday wishes and surprises. Thanks to Daniel, Manna and the seniors for the surprise visit and the wonderful gifts, thanks to EFB for the awesome card and the gift as well, thanks to 202 for the nice bottle too, water somehow tastes sweeter now XD And thanks to my friends who wished me a happy birthday :)

And of course, thanks to you, Vanessa for being there, for the gifts and everything else you've done for me. Love you :)

And then the holidays commenced. Fell ill at some points of time and so did she :/ Went for holiday lessons (well, some) Then more fun ensued :D CTG outing, movies, going out, studying sessions ( I DID SOME HOMEWORK :D) etc. I know I didn't do enough and pulled you down too, I'm sorry for that, but from here on out, let's work hard together :)

It was saddening how the holidays had to end though, but yeah, we still have an education to pursue, must fight on together! I gotta seriously buck up too. :(

And that's all, and in case anyone hasn't noticed, I'm done with Facebook already, no more time wasting nor procrastinating, it's time to discipline oneself and get to work.

It's now or never, you can relax all you want after the A's man.

And hence, to emphasize my point, I should go off now. BYE.

Good luck for your midyears!!!!!!! :))

2010-04-20T23:32:00.004+08:00

Please don't do this to me. I'm only human and there's only so much that I can take. It's not like I'm not trying. If there's something I'm doing wrong or there's something I'm lacking in, please just tell me so that I can work on it rather than showing attitude.

Misunderstandings happen when one person thinks he/she has fully grasp the whole story but in actual fact has only seen and thought out only a part of the story, or worse: to have thought up a whole new situation which is a far cry from whatever that is going on.

The human mind can be ridiculous at times, I know this on a personal level so I understand. But it's best that we clear things up then to stress each other and everyone else up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's been a hectic week, I know everyone is tired, I am too. But seriously, the concert is just this Saturday, and while other CCAs have been practicing actively throughout all this while, we have been having slack practices, just twice a week and we end earlier than them even. And so, we have to iron out all issues that we have currently while we still can, so that we'll do a good job on stage this Saturday, I do hope everyone understands the severity of this situation and will not take it so lightly.

If we do well in time, then all the more we can cut down on practice timings, but can we really call ourselves good enough? I know some of you are, but what about the rest in your sections? What about those who are struggling and can't keep up? What have you done to help these people?

Guys, we're called Guitar Ensemble for a reason, not Guitar Soloists. Everyone is to work together and play well in unison and coherence. So please, help and work with each other with whatever time we have left.

Another thing is, we have to familiarize ourselves with our scores ASAP. Just how many of you can play your part by heart? Accurately and on time, without having to check on your fret board and strings every now and then? I know it isn't easy, but do try the best that you can so that you'll have an easier time playing the song as well. Also, if you are to familiarize yourself with your scores, you can then refer to Sim Yee for the timings and cues for dynamics and certain parts, that's why we have a conductor to work with.

This brings me to my final point, our conductor. What sets the president and the conductor apart is that, I, as the president, am merely meant to take care of administrative matters, organizing and planning whatever that goes on in this CCA by working with the rest of the committee members, and to address and inform you all of important things, like what I'm doing right now. Whereas our student conductor, is our guide through the piece, she knows how all parts work and sound like together and what to do at specific parts, and her job is to coordinate everyone together and make sure everything comes into place.

So in a sense, she is the one to lead you all through this musical aspect of the performance, not me. And that's why I am counting on her to get everything together and straightening it all out. But I'm not counting on her alone, because guys, she's only human and there's only so much she can do on her own.

I'm counting on all of you to cooperate with us to make practices go more smoothly and efficiently, that way, you guys wouldn't have to complain about practices ending late every now and then right?

Also, I'd like you guys to understand and appreciate her taking out the time and effort to help us out by conducting for us. It is not an easy job I tell you. How many of you have the guts and skills to stand out at the front of the stage alone, pressured between the audience and the ensemble to conduct? How many of you have the dedication to cut out every single bar for all 4 sections and paste them together to get a conductors score? How many of you have to worry about and work on all 4 sections and their issues one by one? How many of you think you can do a better job than her?

Guys, it's not an easy job to do, so I hope everyone can appreciate and acknowledge that. Please give Sim Yee a round of applause for all her efforts so far.

And that is all I have to say today, I believe that everyone has come to an understanding that we all have to work together to bring out the best in our ensemble, keep your morale and spirits high and we'll work hard together OK! Let's make today's practice the final and best one!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sigh, and if only I can say it all out in front of everyone on the spot. I guess I should print it out and address the ensemble this Thursday. I guess I'm just not good with speaking out what I really feel and think, not really good with expressing myself so I need to plan and sort things out before I blurt them, otherwise it just comes out dumb.

Low morale is demoralizing and it makes you want to give up. But you cannot. You have an example to set.

So yeah.

Time to try and memorize lyrics.

I miss you... :(

2010-04-19T01:59:00.003+08:00

One simple conversation.

One comparison.

You only know what you really have when it's gone.

Even when we say that, we still won't cherish what good that we have.

2010-04-19T01:15:00.004+08:00

Touch, Let's Pass The Taint.

And so those were the few. But the few would be more than enough. To think that back then, everything seemed fine and wonderful. I wonder what the hell happened.

But for some cases, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going to let it affect me. It's ridiculous, all that has happened. But then again, that's how the world always is. Accept it.

Ridiculously cruel at times, yet ridiculously wonderful at times. But some wonders were given just to be taken away, and hence the ridiculously cruel bit.

You may lose people for ridiculous reasons. People who badmouth/gossip about you, intolerance, nonchalance, selfishness or perhaps all together at once. God knows what other bullshit may come your way. Accept it.

Remember just a few posts back?

" When something or someone is really giving you problems, then stop and think about it: ' Do I really have to let this bother me? ' " If there was anything I should look up to you about, these would be one of those things I suppose.

Is it worth it? Worth all the effort, emotions and God knows what else you have to go through just to put up with all this nonsense?

I think I really need a clearer idea of who's worth everything and who I really shouldn't be caring for.

But yet at times, everything is just so messed up.

And that's life for you, for a life without challenges and turmoil, wouldn't be much of one anymore. Live it through and get better.

I'll learn to forget and disregard as much as you have done to me. No point in caring when people do not reciprocate isn't it?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's been a good weekend as always. :) Nice to be able to see Alastair, Gran, Kun Seng and Leonard again. And it's been ages since I played L4D2, haha :D Have to thank Gran for lending the bass, and think I'll have to ask Hubert for wireless cable tomorrow.

Speaking of which, still have people to confirm with for the concert tickets :/

All this tomorrow then.

Psyche up, it's the last week to make a difference, hope we'll make it in time! :)

Stockholm Syndrome.

2010-04-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

And after all that manual work, it turned out that there's Mr Zee (sp?) who had the program: "Adobe" (not the reader) which could do all the editing of the tickets. It still takes some work but definitely not as much as typing it out one by one manually. Regardless of all this, his contribution has not only beautified the tickets, but saved me from another round of insane manual work.

Technology wins once again. Thank you IT Resource Department :)

But then again, even computers can't cut tickets out for you. I'm sure there are probably machines for that but the school doesn't have such machines. So it's back to manual work again. Wasn't alone this time though. Hopefully they've all been cut out over the weekend :)

Will be missing out on the break tomorrow to tend to the ticketing booth. Perhaps some snacking is in order :D

And once again, have to strive for CCA.

All the duties aside, it's been a good weekend. Hope you recover soon enough and that the foot doesn't give problem from now onwards. Take care and stay safe in school Vanessa!

On a final and most irrelevant note. No matter what that has happened (I'm not too sure of it either), I know you'll do fine, you always have. Not going to give too much thought into this.

I need One Piece ASAP.

2010-04-07T23:47:00.002+08:00

Tolerance.

We have just these few weeks left, can't afford to lose it. Hope we can all work hard together.

All that shit that we have to endure, let's make it worth our while.

I can't stand the anger. How ugly people can be at times. Yuck.

Need the trust, need the support.

Need to convince first.

Need to sleep.

Bye bye.

End of with a bang, or end off with a flop?

2010-04-04T22:13:00.003+08:00

Another 500 tickets, this time I have to change the times on them as well. FML.

Set your mind to do it, it's another psycho session again. I volunteered, I'll take it.

Some credit would be nice though :X OK, never mind that.

It all boils down to willpower, so I shall will myself to do this again.

Don't be lonely, you must be strong on your own as well OK, rest well and hope you get well soon, jiayou for 2.4 and everything else that's going on! :)

RAWR.

Thank God there was Germaine to help, xie xie ni :)

And now it's done, I so need the sleep now.

2010-04-01T01:30:00.004+08:00

Haven't been updating in a long time. And most certainly, much has happened since then, both wonderful and horrid moments.

Yet, due to the same reason ( insufficient free time to type things out ), I shan't be talking about what has happened so far for today's post.

Just want to say, I've manually typed out 600 serial numbers twice on 600 tickets which each have 2 serial numbers, one to be torn upon entry, the other you can keep.

Reason being, I'm an IT noob, didn't know how to make the serial numbers appear using some awesome technique. But I still managed to do it.

600 may not be enough, but it should be near enough, I could always do more some other day.

And now there's concert stuff and the flood of HW to worry about. Not to mention the horrid Math Block Test results that came back recently. Heh.. :/

Learn to cope. We'll see how Bio, Chem and GP turns out ;)

NAPHA retest for pull-ups coming up as well, gotta start training up for it.

And God knows what else there's in store for me in time to come.

Just hope things will go well.

Got to make sure rather than just hoping.

I think the stress has driven me bonkers, going crazy.

And it as at this point that I realize I should stop and carry on in a new post the next time there's time.

I should go to sleep.

Yes.

Popeye the Sailormoon.

I love you dear! X) 130AM!

2010-03-09T23:20:00.002+08:00

It's Been Quite Some Time. Honestly, it's been ages since those primary school days and now we don't really talk as much. Now we've got our own friends and a whole new way of life, we've most definitely changed in certain ways and so much has happened since then. It's probably weird to just retell your story to someone who you haven't been talking to for god knows how long. I understand, haha :X

But either way, I still regard you as a friend and I hope you still do too. Just that maybe this could use some work- OK, maybe a lot of work XD So much catching up to do, but so little time. ><

Regardless, a happy birthday to you once again Mel Wee! Take care and work hard, hope you don't lose your phone again. ><

With that said, I shall now await the coming of Wednesday. YAY! :)

Math test again :/

2010-03-07T22:44:00.002+08:00

Rare Faith And Trust. Such things are difficult to give, as much as it is to earn.

Apply this to friendships. Or so you thought. As friends, you should simply accept each other for who you are, appreciate the simple and little things that you guys have done and the good times you guys have shared. And never to let any horrible things that may arise ruin this friendship. As friends, should you be critical of one another and shoot each other behind their backs? I don't like the idea of this, then again, it's just me.

One simple incident, along with an amounted form of treatment, was all it took. I saw you as a friend, I cared for you as a friend, and if that's the way this is going, I can't be bothered anymore. No, things won't be the same anymore.

I cared. But not anymore. If you can be like this, I don't see the point in being better for you either.

I think that's enough, bad way to start off a post, and it's not that worth it either. Just had to get things off my chest that's all.

But that's just it, because I have to get back to writing AQ.

And because the weekends are just never enough. But it'll have to do, there's other weekdays as well. Cherish the good times, and let the bad times pass you by. Be strong and make good use of your time. :)

And with that, I'm off.

2010-02-25T23:09:00.003+08:00

When Computer>Studies, it becomes a serious problem. There is no healthy balance. As bad as we know it is, we don't try hard enough to even try to strike that proper balance. Priorities askew. What a mess!

You don't exactly need to game to survive eh? There are really better things you can do with such time. Start off slowly I guess. But if there's no progress, perhaps it calls for something more drastic?

More importantly, garner the willpower to do anything first.

We'll get through all this! Must be strong!

Got so much to catch up on on Math. Much HW to clear as well. Try.

No need for further details, I know what else I have to deal with.

2010-02-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Affairs of the heart: Damn, must have been a harsh time for you my friend. Just hope you'll tide through this and recover. You deserve so much better.

Just when you think you're having things bad, you just happen to realize that others are having it much worse. So think about it, does it really suck to be you? Count your blessings and be less bothered about whatever mishaps you may encounter.

Yeah, positive thinking. Really hope you'll get back up again my friend.

Darn, I want Friday to come now!!

2010-02-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

Get a hang of yourself. Darned ulcer. Darned sore throat. Darned fatness. Darned procrastination. Darned unhealthiness.

Got to cope and work on everything with the time I have left. The computer sure is a bad waste of time/ distraction.

Only because I let myself into indulgence.

Ill-disciplined! I must leave the computer now.

Yup!

2010-02-11T00:26:00.002+08:00

" When something or someone is really giving you problems, then stop and think about it: ' Do I really have to let this bother me? ' " If there was anything I should look up to you about, these would be one of those things I suppose.

Some things just aren't worth it. Sometimes I'm not worth it. Sometimes some things or some people aren't worth it. Start thinking about it instead of caring blindly no matter how bad things get.

Just think about it.

At times you feel left out, at times you feel shut out, at times you feel pushed away, and at times it's simply wonderful. What will be your conclusion to that then? Honestly I can't come up with it.

Anyways.

I should get more sleep and worry less over things that won't be resolved or settled in time, there's no point moping and worrying my wits out over it; since it won't help things anyways, only makes matters worse. Been a bloody blur sotong, forgetting this and that, messing this and that up, etc.

One thing that is good that there's finally an exercise routine coming up, much thanks and credit has to go to Marcus, haha :) Tough and tiring, but yet it's awesome.

Good dinner, sorry to have made you wait. :( Hope you're feeling better and getting more and better rest! Just a few more weekdays left! :P

Alright, I should really get to the sleeping.

2010-02-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

Nothing will help this idiocy.

You were right, and now I'm listening.

Tsk, look who started this.

2010-02-02T23:46:00.002+08:00

Mentality Differentials.
----------------------------------------------------------
1) "Walau, today Facebook so laggy, wasted my time sia, I could've done so much work if they hadn't been so laggy."

VS

2) "I am severely addicted to Facebook, I've chosen to while my time trying to get it to load, instead of doing what I'm supposed to do. How stupid of me."
----------------------------------------------------------
A matter of perspective. Must learn to see the faults in oneself more clearly rather than blaming everything around oneself.

Let's try this again.
----------------------------------------------------------
1) "You gave me the hope to even believe that we stood a chance. And so I dared to believe, I dared to try to make that change. And now, I don't know what's going on but you're making me lose hope. I know it's probably a hopeless battle we're fighting, but just wish you were just like before, someone I could look up to and always turn to for help."

VS

2)"The fault is mine, you've done enough and I should've learnt to become a more independent individual. You're not the one making me lose hope, I myself am the victim and the culprit. I'm not going to push the blame to you nor anyone else because the problem lies with me. I have to take on what you have left off, that sliver of hope, and do my best to make a better change. And for all that you've done and are still doing, I sincerely thank you. :)"
----------------------------------------------------------
Though the latter alternative may sound like beating yourself up and thrashing your esteem, ego and dignity, think about it: We're not perfect and so are the others around us. By doing so, we accept the flaws of others and recognize our own flaws. By doing so, we can work on ourselves to become better people that actually exercise some form of humility. By doing so, we refrain from expecting way too much of people, wanting them to give to us their all when we know that's impossible.

There's just too many things in life, family, friends, relationships, duties, education or jobs for some, how do you expect a full 100% from someone? Not likely possible, be it even your spouse, and as the person's life partner, you should be able to accept and understand that, rather than kicking up a big fuss over it.

And one last major mistake that has always been happening all this while:
----------------------------------------------------------
Assumptions.
----------------------------------------------------------
And who are we to judge the implications of the actions and words of everyone? As well as you may think you know that person, you shouldn't assume anything unless the person seriously admits that your assumption is true. As friends, let all assumptions be cleared up. Should you start to assume that your friend is doing or feeling something that you are not informed of, ask and clear it up. Because as friends, what's the harm in being honest with each other? If as friends, you're going to be so intolerant of every single thing and just assume this and that, now how would the other person feel?

I wonder where this is heading.

OK, Should get to work now, and remember to keep the lessons learnt today. Such reflections come in handy.

One more thing nagging in mind, but no one can tell till we actually see it in action rather than behind the back.

2010-01-31T17:43:00.003+08:00

If you touch something and it hurts your hand, then you touch something else and it still hurts your hand, maybe the problem is with your hand not the things you're touching.

How philosophical. Sorry for ruining your day then. I'm sorry that I can't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry for whatever that I lack in. And I guess that's just about it. I'm just not good enough, and I'll just have to suffer with the fact that I can't make your day any better.

Yes, I suck. And I should just shut my trap.

That I shall.

Live and lament, look at how your life is going. What have you done to and for others, while what have others done to and for you?

OK I'm done here.

Shall shut up now.

2010-01-28T00:00:00.001+08:00

Be nice; now look where that has gotten you. Suppose being nice is boring. Who am I to say that of myself anyways? It's up to everyone else to judge.

Those conversations, some which I remember distinctively, what do they even mean now?

OK, I shouldn't be ranting because I should simply cherish the good times, and it's not like you guys see me as an eyesore or something. It just feels different now, perhaps because there's less of a reason to interact. But when there's a reason, things are alright aren't they? So I shouldn't fuss nor rant any further, and instead be thankful for the care and concern during times like last time.

Yeah, am grateful for the acceptance. Hope there's no hate or mockery around.

But at the same time, I find certain things kind of weird, maybe I should talk things out tomorrow. Get things out of my mind and clarify it, haha. Yeah, that'll be something to talk about. Seriously weird shit.

I find it not within my rights to ask and care because I've learnt already. I have not gained your trust which isn't that easily gained and so I shan't force things either. As a person who cares, I can only hope that everything is going fine with you, seeing as how me probing is probably going to turn out bad. Just not that close, you have your friends as well and I hope they'll be able to help then.

Ah, putting things that way makes things better :)

Enough of sensitive thoughts like: "Would you have done the same for me?" and all that shit. Ridiculous isn't it? No point in thinking like that.

OK enough with that :X

Finally got to catch up with Ee Ning last Sunday, cleared CF1.3 (WOW) and had a wonderful meal after that, talked about stuff haha :D I guess I really have to go out and study with someone in order to get work done since there's always the computer at home :/ Must tune in to Chingay and keep a lookout this time XD

And the tests in this week are finally cleared, and auditions went through, we're in the finals! :) I should start selling them CVD tickets, wonder who I should ask :O We'll see~ :)

Anyway, happy birthday Vanessa, really appreciate you coming all the way down to support, bringing lozenges that saved the day, then spending time with me during CCA, dinner, Soda party and then the long talk, haha :X LOVE YOU :)

So late already still so happening ah! :/

2010-01-20T22:47:00.003+08:00

Feel so slighted. And it feels so deliberate. Thank God today was a Wednesday, and a nice one in fact, regardless of how tiring and trying school and CCA was.

But of course, even that can't make everything go away.

Deliberation. I feel so used. If that's what sets me apart from the rest, I'd rather stick to being who I am. Perhaps be less trusting as well.

I don't know. But the feeling sure sucks. I'm not the sort, and that sucks.

2010-01-19T23:11:00.003+08:00

Be Less Sensitive. I did say that, and shall keep to it.

Skin is peeling off from the sunburn, what a grotesque sight.

I should get started on homework, yes.

Schedule. Plan. And save.

There's no sleeping again tonight.

2010-01-18T23:07:00.002+08:00

Severe Discomfort.

Weekends just never seem to be enough. But face it, lots of school matters to settle, it leaves less time for slacking and having fun. But I'm still sticking to it anyways. XD

But less of that nonsense yes. I'd have been dead by now if I had kept that holiday stagnation going on.

Be a better role model. As bad as this may feel, got to fulfill the duty, just about 2 or more terms left to go. Just look at how dependable Melvin has been, that's something I should be working towards >< Must have more faith in oneself.

After which, I hope all this will end. No more fretting over this. Try your best and get it over and done with. :)

Sunburn. Maybe it's a skin condition, should look it up or consult some day. Either way, too much sunburns is obviously bad for your skin.

Suddenly not feeling well today. Hit me right when CCA started, ugh. Pulsing headache and felt weak. Was thinking crazy thoughts as well :X Not good. Might be related to the sunburn as Germaine had suggested, never thought of it that way.

Anyway am feeling better by a little bit now, got to get started on what's left of the GP comprehension, hopefully won't get it from her tomorrow.

Wonder if you still read. Rest well and get well soon k! Take care :)

2010-01-14T23:30:00.001+08:00

Why did I even try. Guess in everyone's heart, it's the same throughout.

Sickening.

2010-01-14T22:55:00.001+08:00

Informal Swearing.

Oh dearie me, what many things you have going on there.

Only have myself to blame for not being good enough. Not being able to prioritize and manage time properly. I got to press on still.

Weekend is a mess.

And so am I.

2010-01-13T22:32:00.003+08:00

Rough day.

Morning PE, 10 push ups for warm up, 50 push ups for punishment, ran 3 rounds and felt horrible, felt like puking. Shit, got to start training, that was so weak.

Get ready for NAPHA.

After which, a short period of Chemistry, then YJC Open House commenced.

Don't have to go into much detail here, at least we got it over and done with :)

Got to move on to.. Orientation Showcase? Haha.

DAMN POOR.

Anyways, today was too much to be taken in at once. I hope what happened today won't amplify this shit. Hate this.

Got to try ba.

Am tired, so should get to sleeping soon. Got HW to do, but I doubt I can think properly at this rate. So heck it, heart is aching like mad.

You do know I care right? Could you say that you care as much? Do you feel what I'm going through?

ARGH. This is damn.. depressing.

Just wait.

3 rough days in a row.

Money is still a bloody problem.

Got to do this and that.

You'll just have to manage.

2010-01-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

Wow, second day of the beginning of JC2. Didn't really get much sleep throughout this week, but the snooze during Biology lecture was lifesaving :)

I should sleep slightly earlier than today.

Watch the expenditure.

And watch my tongue.

I don't know, perhaps it was something I said. But I seriously meant well and was trying to help. Guess me shutting up would have been the best way. Should have done that I guess, lesson learnt.

Hopefully things are alright tomorrow, I hope.

And with that, we await for the Open House. Less lessons :D

$. Dangerous stuff.

2010-01-10T19:21:00.001+08:00

Failure To Do So Carries A Heavy Penalty.

Haha, should have read up till that point sooner eh? XD Well, got to go what I can now I guess. Bloody GP articles.

Cut cut cut~ :/

Enough procrastination :X

2010-01-10T01:22:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow- I mean, later today, shall be doing some work as well as study for the upcoming Chemistry test. Bah, pity that there's no time to catch up or have fun. But that's the way life is I guess. Not every bit if it will be enjoyable, so live with it.

Am sorry ><

We should start doing and saying things for a good reason. And not for no reason at all.

I've been thinking, and now I remember. Back then, they didn't mind, and now the people I know do mind.

Now how messed up is that.

One more day from now, let the school commence, hahahahaha~

2010-01-06T01:01:00.001+08:00

Constantly giving yourself reasons to feel worse.

Such stupidity isn't it?

And this doesn't apply to me alone.

2010-01-04T00:55:00.001+08:00

Argh. Taking on too much perhaps?

Will get through this; I have to. Haha!

With each day that passes, there will be less left to do.

Tough times can make or break a person.

So press on! And don't shirk your responsibilities as well as your conscience.

Busy week ahead XD Going to be fun at some points (NORTHPOINT), but nevertheless, it's going to be hectic.

Commence 2010! XD

2010-01-02T00:32:00.002+08:00

Oops, been a while since I last posted :X

Just a little while.

Been busy with anything? What have you been doing?

Memory has been failing me severely recently, so I think I might just leave some things out. Sorry if I do!

27th December- Joyce's birthday celebration :) Rather interesting way of celebrating, but yeah, it was really sweet of them to go that far to have organized something like this. Though the L4D2 part was perhaps uncalled for, but hey, there's a first time for everything eh? XD

30th December- Jamming with EFB. So far so good eh? Wonder how we'd fare once Theodore comes into the picture though. Either way we got to go for it, hope we'll get ready on time! :D Till next Monday! Which reminds me, I should get booking soon.

I AM POOR!

1st January- Received a call for about a few minutes? But those few minutes sure sufficed :) And from then on, 5 more days to go!

----------------------
F.A.R.M.E.R
----------------------

FAMILY- Comprises of the below resolutions, so as to be a better person and less of a disappointment. Hope to spend more quality time with family :)

ACADEMIC- Work harder this year! Then again, feel like leaving the holiday homework as an exception. Will try to do I guess.

RELATIONSHIPS- That includes friendships as well. Be there for those who matter and those who care; if they ever need you, you'd be that casual standby. Less joking around, sure it may be funny at times but sometimes things just blow off course, and that's just sad. Will try to speak less next year as well.

MONETARY- Spend less eating out, eat at home if you can. No point splurging on expensive food, the result is always the same. And so, will still keep to the FRUITS plan till I seriously cannot take it, LOL :X Save smart, set aside some money in a cash box each week so that that amount of money will be saved. Distinguish between the needs and the wants, for there are just some things in life you shouldn't really be spending too much on. Oh, and find a job after A Levels :D

EMOTIONAL- Why so uptight and sensitive over certain things? Assuming this and that when nothing much is really going on? Overreacting at times? And when things actually are going on, am pretty much oblivious of that. Will try to work on that this year, strike a balance in the way of reacting to situations and occurrences. Things might not necessarily be what you think they are, so that is for you to find out. Don't jump to conclusions and end up pissing the whole world off.

RANDOM- *insert random new year resolution here*

OK, just kidding.

REGULATION- Health maintenance . Keep track of things. Don't ever make promises you can't keep, unless due to unforeseen circumstances that just always love to crop up. Know what you're doing and be productive. Don't try to help everyone because you know you won't be able to manage; when you can't even help yourself. Furthermore, does every single person need that help? Or even deserve that help? So go for it if you feel it's right. Some people can manage on their own and don't need your help, and so when you offer that help, it's being extra. Have had people offended just by that, so, lesson learnt!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have a feeling how next year would be like in school. Having to adapt to certain new teachers. Probably might see some new face/faces in class, there's the chance. And perhaps should try a different approach next year, it's a fresh start after all. :)

Hectic schedule in the first few months, but after which, it's all out for A Levels I suppose.

And, who doesn't have problems with certain things in school? Got to learn to deal with it, or live with it. Just that one more year.

Yeah, and for the few people that I can really call a friend, or considers me a friend, I am sincerely thankful for everything :) May there be better things ahead for everyone this year! :D

That's all for now I guess :)

4 more days! :D

2009-12-24T22:58:00.003+08:00

Much resolutions to be set. And one of which has most definitely got to be regarding sensitivity, it's ridiculous.

24th December. Not much time left. No homework done at all, including the fact that I don't have my Calculus notes with me still. So, Monday, got to get it from Theodore to photocopy. As for GP assignment, 0/40, OWNED.

Think should try to do. If not, scrap it I guess.

Not much time left, got to work for a lot of things to come as well.

Time to make plans and get life back together again.

Yup, am still waiting. :)

Right before it ends, happy birthday Gran :) Hope you enjoyed your day, whatever you did today lol :D

2009-12-21T23:49:00.003+08:00

Have nothing much to say.

Just that.

I miss you so badly :X

:(

But I'll get by, I have to. And it's not like you're not coming back.

So I'll wait, till the 6th of January. :)

And start doing more productive things, instead of whiling time away senselessly on the computer.

I'll wait.

At the same time, I'm glad you're back home again and having fun :D

<3!

And once again, happy birthday Ee Ning! :)

2009-12-13T21:07:00.003+08:00

Worst boyfriend in the world. What a failure I've been.

Useless jerk. What good have I ever given/done for you? Seems like nothing but hurt.

Everything that I did, it sure isn't enough. But don't worry, there will be more to come. To remove all the hurt that I've inflicted upon you, which I somehow did.

Hope you'll stop doubting me. Don't know what I ever did to even trigger such thoughts. I'm sorry.

Hope you'll stop keeping things like that from me. Seriously, there's no harm in saying it out, it's like we agreed before. There's harm in bottling up though, look at what happened. So stop it, please.

Hope you'll stop getting disappointed. I know I'm pathetic, so tell me what you find wrong with me so that I can do something about it so you can be happy again.

Hope there won't be such a kind of attitude anymore. I love you, please stop hurting me like that again.

I love you, so please, I beg of you.

I can't sleep, I couldn't sleep last night either.

I have no appetite now.

Everything else seems meaningless.

And you're still hurting.

I won't be tired anymore. I'll use the computer less.

In fact, I'll get off it, like, right now.

2009-12-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

Impatient Pestilence. Perhaps due to the current health conditions. Then again, it was expected. Time to find time to start exercising and eating healthier as well.

More holidays to come. :) Must enjoy while we still can. :D

Sometimes we really think too much, only to realize what we already did to ourselves after everything comes to light.

You just got to try, there's no harm in it.

2009-12-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

It's just like what Gran talked about before. But really, get used to that. Even we ourselves are like that sometimes aren't we? So yeah, doing this alone wouldn't kill anyone. I'm doing this because I want to, and to me, that's reason enough.

Been quite a while since I updated. But it could be summarized quickly I suppose, without elaboration that is.

Fun at the expense of savings! >< Yeah it's been great, but really got to watch the expenditure. Time isn't running out but cash is.

Yet at the same time, such money spent is rather worth it haha. Yet nonetheless, really got to watch it.

Sending Daniel off at Changi Airport tomorrow after another round of studying, must try and find the lost Calculus notes. :(

Standby. Some may not know but, there might just be people standing by, waiting for you to turn to them when need be. Some just don't know that such people are around. They don't really make their presence too known anyway.

And so, this standby will continue as always.

Maybe I'm just a jerk who everyone should be hating. Maybe..

2009-11-22T22:45:00.002+08:00

A mass assembly; Let them gather, to sort things out with each other for once.

This school year is coming to a close. One last week with each other for this year.

Tired as hell. Might as well scrap the Math HW. So much for telling each other that we'll finish it over the weekend LOL.

Another week in school.

What will come after?

We'll see about that.

As of now, I need to collapse. Glad I could help today then.. :)

2009-11-19T23:40:00.002+08:00

OK, don't know why, but just try. Not too hard though. Assumptions perhaps? We'll see.

Misguided intentions.

Anyway, good day today, haven't had such a wonderful lunch and dinner in such a long time :) Hope my company today was enough to last you till Saturday haha :)

I know, nothing can beat physical company. But you should know you're not alone. I keep suggesting the same solution, because I really feel that this would be a much better option to take. Then again, I should stop suggesting it because it just isn't right. So never mind :)

Be strong k! Weekends are coming! :D

2009-11-17T19:00:00.003+08:00

Guitar starts tomorrow. Damn.

Haha, this seriously calls for something. H2 Idiocy. I'm so not going to be a part of this.

Sleep. Or at least try to.

2009-11-16T22:37:00.003+08:00

Rather long wait for everyone today. But guess the results was alright for everyone, so it was worth the painful and nervous wait! LOL! Will be seeing everyone next year I guess :D

Hmm, though the GP assignment that was dished out to us along with the results can be rather sickening. Oh well.

Much talking done today haha. Shifting is good :)

Things that I can do without. Really, I don't need this. To smile at something, to be nice and all this while, only to get shit in return. Thanks lah.

And so there's the shift. I'd move if I could.

Apparently next year, our SG becomes our CTG. Good and bad in some ways I suppose. Reallocation of class leaders ETC? Wonder if we'll still be going out to get presents and stuff next year LOL.

We'll see really.

Anyway, headed out to collect guitar and buy some stuff at SV with Vanessa :) Good trip LOL.

And now, am super tired.

Only to face another day of school tomorrow.

People.

2009-11-16T00:12:00.002+08:00

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
-------------------------------------------------------------
May you find some comfort here :)

Movie 'marathon' today! LOL, but ended up watching just one movie XD Yet, not bad luh :) Great day :D

Dinner at McDonalds, yummy! :D Bumped into Elysia yet again, LOL!

And then we parted >< Till another day! :)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, in the end, most things were fixed, feeling so much better now :)

Yeah, learning points. Save more money! Resolve to eat only fruits during breaks from this day forth unless severely tempted. No, this is not an attempt to slim down or to imitate any person here, but rather, to stay healthy and save more money at the same time. It's worth it! Then would have more money to spare for other things :D

Muse concert coming up in Singapore sometime in February! :D

Cautious. Strive harder to stop being such a blur douche.

Yes, the disappointment. Back when we were young and cute, our parents would always delight upon us bringing back good results and being good and delightful little children. Back then, it was different. As time passed by, things changed. We get more messed up and get influenced to do many things which our parents never asked for, but they still accommodate and accept things as they are. But at this rate, how can they be proud of you if you're out there, doing stupid things and squandering money?

Major revamps to be done. It takes time, it takes effort. But please, at least try :)

Seeing things much clearer. Yeah, not going to go into further details :X

I guess that's all. Sleep time soon! :D

2009-11-14T22:55:00.005+08:00

It has been one week since I last posted. So much has happened. So much has changed. Yet, the takeaways have been rather, enlightening. :) Have no choice but to pull off a super long post; something which has not been done in ages XD

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
PW group met up for OP rehearsal.

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Monday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
OP day. Went alright I guess. After which, had a meal with the PW group for once :)

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Tuesday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
School day. Lessons learnt+ Shifting+Ill feelings.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Same old things. However, after school, met up with the seniors to celebrate Ting Hui's brithday in advance :D Then we went to Ishi Mura :D I think I won't order such spicy food ever again. Was practically raining sweat ><

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Same things, but headed to SV with Ariz and Brina for guitar servicing. Awesome place really, and at least the people there can be trusted because they really know their stuff :) Then headed to KFC with them for a super long and hilarious discussion, and then we ate. So long since I last touched Cheese Fries! :D After all that, and failing to find a bus back home, ended up taking the MRT back home with Brina LOL. Super tiring day, but sure was worth the time :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did the GPF. But handed up the file, forgetting that we did not write our index number yet. Sorry for being so blur. Bet you all hate me even more now. I'll try and fix this blunder up. But I guess there's no fixing this. So yeah, I'll submit to it.

After that, met up with the seniors at the food court in Northpoint :) Then we took the train to Dhoby Ghaut. Along the journey, Jolene passed me some 'treasure' :D Not bad ah, thanks! :) When we arrived at Dhoby Ghaut, it was pouring. So the nice Ting Hui, lent me his jacket and us 3 guys ran across the road to The Cathay buy the tickets.

Ah, but then something happened.

Wrong movie timing LOL. So after much discussion, had to call Gran to push back our LAN session, so we could watch the movie at a later timing. Sorry man.. :(

Yeah, and after buying the tickets, we walked to some place to get some soya bean milk and stuff at some place. Sat and talked for a bit. Got to see the A level Math Paper.

Shock of my life. I realized I should really stop slacking. So, work a lot harder next year please.

When we were done snacking, we left the place to walk back to The Cathay to catch the movie. But as we left the place, we were greeted with another round of pouring rain.

So Ting Hui had to pull out his jacket again for me to use. Felt bad to keep borrowing his jacket. :X

Eventually we reached The Cathay, bumped into Jing Hui along the way, small world man XD And yeah, I still owe him that huge sum of money. :/

'My Girlfriend Is An Agent' was totally hilarious haha XD Yet, I found a scene super touching, while Jolene was laughing away LOL.

Time spent was worth it. :) Would loved to have stayed behind for dinner, but had a delayed meeting I wanted to keep to as well.

So, rushed out of The Cathay, only to realize it was pouring AGAIN. So once again, Ting Hui pulled out his jacket for me to use. Too nice of him already :) Should've just settled for Jolene's umbrella LOL.

Rushed to AMK Hub and met Vanessa! :) And together we took the bus to some place in Serangoon and met up with G+G XD And with that, the LAN session commenced! YEAH :D

Been rather long since I last played L4D, but it was really fun, with some funny moments here and there XD Felt rather easy though, must go with a higher difficulty level next time! :P And thank god Vanessa didn't lose her phone again :)

After the LAN session, we headed to McDonald's to eat. Somehow, only Grace and I felt severely nauseated after the LAN session :( But after eating a bit, sure got much better haha. Hmm, and we discussed about songs over the meal :D Sure hope we get to go to FourTones! :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Present harvesting+shopping with Arthur, Joel, Sim Yee and Yi Xiu today! Haha, had fun just talking and training shopping endurance XD Saw certain things which doesn't really have to be mentioned here :X And after all that, am officially totally broke :/ Sucks to look at all of them nice clothes but not have enough money to buy any. But it's been like this all this while. So I don't have much clothes to wear, but I'm contented to even have just some nice clothes to wear :)

Oh, and on the way back, bumped into Elysia! Haha, how small can this world get! XD Talked for a bit on the bus. Nice to catch up on things :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Learning Points?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Shall be touched on in further detail tomorrow. But in short:

1) Save more money.

2) Be super cautious so as to avoid blunders where people will hate you forever.

3) SV is the place to go to get your guitar serviced.

4) A mini umbrella would come in handy.

5) Work hard, and please, stop disappointing people so much.

6) After a bout of disgusting clots in the eye, I've recovered. And somehow, am seeing things much clearer, figuratively and literaly.

7) Wait till I think of more tomorrow. :X

Can't wait for tomorrow! :)

2009-11-07T23:25:00.004+08:00

This noise is disturbing. Yet the silence isn't helping either.

You want answers? Look harder. It's staring you right in the face. You say you care but truth be told, you don't have to fake it. Too many signs indicate that you're not genuine.

And all this while, it hasn't been good either. Even nice people have their limits.

Bad timing isn't it? Yet, who's to blame?

Let's carry on with this fake act then. :)

Why did I even try. Why did I even look back. When I know that, there won't be anyone there.

I just had to make sure. Only to feel worse after that.

Slighted. Honestly, using 'friendship' as a threat seems familiar. Do you take it that lightly? Or is it nonexistent?

Behind the back. Why not just confide and pour out what you really have to say?

We'll see tomorrow.

2009-11-06T00:18:00.003+08:00

Priority choices. Rare chances that hardly come by. It's not like I don't want to do this. But there are other things I have to keep to as well. It's not like I haven't been doing anything. But most certainly, with all that has been going on recently, I hardly have time for anything else. And I'm drained. And what with all this hassle about plans and money. Savings that I no longer have to spare.

Really, just hope that everyone will understand.

I don't know what's going on with you but seeing as things have changed this much, I'm not going to poke my nose into this. Leave you be. I'll be the casual standby as always, not like you'll be needing it. I don't know what it is anyways.

Your problem. But somehow, it's weird.

I'm weird.

Sleep.

2009-11-03T23:25:00.001+08:00

Minor Pestilence. Why would that change anything? Mere irritants that will get by before you know it :D

Tired, but we shall press on! :)

2009-11-02T23:45:00.003+08:00

Niceties observation. For some, it's rather difficult to follow. To even waver, means that you have much more to work on.

I'm sure I'm not the nicest person around. But I've tried, tolerated and just laughed things off most of the time. Or simply just grit my teeth and carry on.

Can't seem to take much these days though, impatient and easily frustrated. Could be the lack of sleep, could be the stress. Either way, that's no excuse to not work on it.

"You don't see me doing the same things to you."

What an indignant retort. But at times like this, put yourself in the smelly shoes of others and just think in their place. Perhaps something even greater than you know might be going on with them?

Simply put, why not go back to the patient, understanding, kind and easy to bully person? I prefer that person better.

Carry on, fix it up and get better. Bad timing for low morale.

Sorry if anyone got offended, or pissed or anything.

PW's last few laps!

Yet I bet I'll get pissed tomorrow but not do anything about it again.

2009-10-29T17:58:00.002+08:00

I'm a weird boy. Fussy petty problematique.

But I'll be learning. And we'll see how this goes.

Control. Would you decipher this cryptic post?

-.- : This shall be used with caution from now onwards. At angry moments, please try hard to avoid using this.

I don't want to lose anyone for stupid reasons.

And back to PW.

2009-10-27T23:15:00.002+08:00

I want to get you out of this. And after saying that much, I wonder If I helped at any bit at all. Won't stop till I get you through this.

Yet, after all that. As useless as ever.

I don't think I'm helping at all, but only making things worse.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh, smile.

2009-10-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

Many things have been happening, and when they do, react strongly. Super emotional these days, reacting too strongly to many things and hence messing them up, only to make things worse and further amplify this state of mind. A major portion of the mind becomes impatient and just want to give up. And honestly, the more things that happen, the more I just don't feel like giving a damn.

But still, must press on, it's an obligation.

There's just some things that can't be forced, and this is one of them. I've tried, perhaps not well enough, but knowing me, this is all that I'm capable of I guess.

Even with things as they are, press on. Till the finish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Am sorry if this affected anyone in anyway.

Well, I want to sleep for days just to recharge, yet I know that there's no chance for that.

Take it as it comes then. That's not going to stop me.

Severe mood swings. Looks like even guys can have PMS too. Persistent Mood Swings (PMS).

I've got much sorting out to do, and could do with some sleep.

But hopefully would be better soon.
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Friday night was really great :) Really missed you.. and especially after what happened in the morning.. But yeah, everything has it's ups and downs, and thus this makes things normal, in fact, better. :D But of course, won't be expecting something like that to happen often luh, just not feeling very good these days.. ><

Wonder when's the next time though.. busy busy :/

We'll see! And wait patiently :)
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End of post? Perhaps.

2009-10-22T22:52:00.008+08:00

--------------
Today
--------------
And with all the heavy things cast aside. Talk about the brighter sides of life.

Crazy jog in the morning, but LOL, it was good exercise. Healthy!

Then followed by Captain's Ball with the class, was already super worn out by then, but still tried. Quite fun luh haha. Healthier!

And then some dance shit. Damn. But once again, more exercise.

Thankfully, the break followed, took the chance to rest up and talk a bit.

The wait for Go-Karting was super long. In the end just couldn't be bothered with it. Once again, more talking.

And when we were done, walked around a bit. Bumped into Melvin and Germaine. More talking, LOL.

Then came Daniel, Melvin left for consultation and Germaine left for photo taking LOL. Watched soccer for a bit, then Germaine came along once more haha.

After a bit more soccer, we went off to eat, yay! 18 Chefs was awesome haha, a good place with good interests as well. Not bad!

Then walked with Daniel back to YJC for his vaccination briefing, that was where we parted, and where I took the bus back.

Collapsed on the bed and woke up not long ago.

Feeling particularly moody.

Shit happens.

2009-10-21T23:17:00.003+08:00

Not bad today! Though it was just us 3 people, us 3 was all we needed anyways. Hope you guys had a good time..

And with that, concluded the 5 day break. Welcome back school and post promo activities on Thursday and Friday!

Supposed to be doing certain activities with our CTG. And wow, much has changed indeed, I just get the feeling that there would be no one, or few people I can turn to tomorrow. Few is all I need really, but for how long? Just so afraid.

Either way, will have to deal with it then. :/

It'd be short, and once done, followed by more PW.

We'll just see how things go then, as usual..
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Nabri. I don't think this is the first time this has happened.

A band cannot exist without a rhythm guitarist. There is no lead if there is no rhythm. No music can be made without a rhythm to follow.

The lead would just be a bunch of notes without support from rhythm. Imagine a building without pillars or a well designed structure to support it? Crumble.

Everyone's role is equally important in a band. One cannot do without the other, or it'd be just weird.

Being a rhythm guitarist most definitely doesn't mean that you're lousy.

Have you seen lousy? Have you seen me?

How about this?

You really have to stop this leh, you're not lousy. What is in that video is LOUSY.

You can read notes better than any of us. More musically inclined than any of us. You can play quite some songs that we cannot play. You can sing while playing even.

And now what's so lousy about that?

You need to like, stop picking on what you're not, but really appreciate how good you are, the things that you know that most others don't.

You don't have to be some Herman Li or Slash shit to be "good". You don't have to go that far. You can play the songs you want to play, and that's be enough.

And it's really good that your parents support you in this, providing for your lessons and stuff.

I don't get such things, and will just remain as shitty as ever. Can't even join you all.

If the thought of being lousy ever crosses your mind again, think of all those lousy shits that can't even play as good as you can. Think of that video above.

Once again I repeat, you're not lousy.

Case closed for good I hope. ><
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Something else completely unrelated.

I don't know why I still try or care.

Something lost completely for good and so..

Forget it lor. Seriously just, screw it.

2009-10-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

Realize This: Acquaintance.

Confused much.

Anyway, hope tomorrow goes well with just us 4 LOL.

Last break day! Wonder how Thursday and Friday would be like..

2009-10-20T00:44:00.003+08:00

Afraid.

Just hoping that things would turn out alright. Hate to mess things up, hate it when things get messed up. And sometimes, you just can't help it, and the mess will just stick out its tongue at you, never to be cleaned.

Crazy worst case scenarios assumptions again, never mind me. Imagining all the ways things could turn out.

Rubbish! LOL.

Anyway, Monday went rather alright as planned, hope nobody felt unhappy or discontented about how things were done today! More PW to come! LOL.

Would take some time later today to rest and try to call out more people I guess. As well as plan how Wednesday would be like. And once again I start to worry.. But you know what, let's just worry only when such problems actually arise -.-

We'll see how things go then! :)

Most definitely not a dull 5 day break :D

2009-10-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

What a great day today! Haha, time to shed them lipids XD More swimming! But at someplace else the next time I guess LOL~

More fun tomorrow, hope practice goes well :D

And it appears that the 5 day break wouldn't be that dull after all :)

Awesome! :D:D

Shall be sleeping soon.

2009-10-15T23:32:00.001+08:00

Good lunch+dinner takeaway today! :D Bumped into Ariz and Hein before that though LOL.

Hmm, Chemistry revision was so-so today, shall continue tomorrow. Last paper already, go everyone! :)

2009-10-12T18:10:00.004+08:00

Econs Paper was so-so today, didn't get to finish part two of the essay, which was worth 15 marks XD Hopefully it'll be a pass.. LOL.

Should start studying Bio now.

But feel like resting :P

Gah, enough slacking already!

Hmm about 3hours left to study 5 big chapters taught throughout the entire year.. WIN. XD

Try at least ba :/ GOGOGO, stay off the computer!!! ><

2009-10-11T12:34:00.002+08:00

Time now is approximately 1230PM.

Econs Paper begins tomorrow. Should start studying now.

Have had enough of worrying and fretting. It's pointless. If you don't trust me with such things, I'll be fine with it, so long as you have someone to confide in and stuff, or are somehow able to deal with it yourself to feel better the next day, good for you. :)

No matter what, I'll still be here at the ready I guess, even though I doubt you'd be needing my help with everyone else around, but I'll still standby as a friend. Unless you think otherwise, then I'd have failed utterly.

Not going to force anything, some things just can't be helped. So yeah, I've learnt to accept things as they are.

Take care man. :D

Good luck to everyone for the Promos! :D It'd be over in a week, must put up a good fight while we still can! Keep up the spirit! XD

Must work really hard this time round, I know I don't have much time left for today, still am going out later ~.~ But gotta try my best, make sure I get promoted at least..

Because I really don't wait to make you wait one year longer.. ><

ECONS!! RAWR

2009-10-09T03:45:00.002+08:00

At the end of the day, it still boiled down to this:

I'm just not good enough of a friend. Something I'm not doing/Something I'm doing wrong?

I know it won't be doing you any good by behaving like this, when you already have things to deal with on your own.

But still.

Kai Sheng sucks la. Dumb shit that wouldn't be able to understand anything.

Fail.

I'm not going to make this about me, so don't take all this to heart. In a restless trance again, so I don't really know what I'm doing here.

But most importantly, take care, hope you feel better tomorrow.

2009-10-08T03:34:00.002+08:00

Somehow, for reasons that I myself am not sure of, I just can't get to sleep. Perhaps it's due to the nearing of the Promotional Exams. Unconsciously fearing perhaps. Can't think or type properly now.

What was I about to say again? XD Forgive me if you don't understand what I'm saying here.
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*This portion probably won't make much sense. Don't take this portion to seriously.*

Still attempting to renew this mentality, much work to be done indeed.

Funny isn't it, while everyone else is still studying away, I'm over here, trying to figure things out, how it should be, who they should be, what could be going on?

Then again, who am I to judge or guess? Again with the assumptions. Why can't this fussing cease?

No matter how much you worry and fret about it, nothing will come out from it. Actions? Would it even be appropriate? Time, people, place, etc.

Fix it, slowly. Remember that, when I think too much about it, it's a bother. When I think too little about it, it's being a jerk. Never been good at finding balances. Positive jerk? Or negative worrywart?

Pray, that nothing sinister would be going into motion.

Seriously, thinking too much LOL. Just leave things be.

Cannot click = Cannot click. Loneliness might be unbearable, but you won't die from it. Know that you're not alone, know that at the end of the day, there will still be the people you have befriended and gained their trust. This ill feeling is just momentary.

YJC, friends.. guess I've never been good at making and maintaining them.

Problematique. I really should stop mulling over this and get to studying just like the rest of them. Funny isn't it? That I'm the only one foolish enough to spend time thinking over stuff like these.

That's not going to help anyways. After Promos first ba. Gain things only to lose them again, try gaining them back again and it'll be twice the difficulty required.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
*OK, time to make more sense now XD*

School was awfully long as usual today. Had a couple of laughs and talks every now and then, plus some really good advice from Ms Ong :D

School was also awfully quiet today as well. So quiet, it felt so uneasy.

After school, met up with Vanessa first, then found G+G for lunch/dinner at KFC. Bumped into LinYing along the way LOL. Seriously keep bumping into her, the world can't be that small. -.-

Immediately after eating at KFC, had to eat again with Daniel, Manna, Siong Koon and some of the seniors. This time round it was pizza. Completely stuffed luh, bleh :X

Getting fatter LOL.

Anyways SEE! I really shouldn't be fussing about anything at all. In fact, getting to dine with Vanessa and G+G and talk to them for a bit, that already was good enough for me.

Wow.

Going to try and sleep soon. Time now is 5AM. Win.

2009-10-05T20:34:00.003+08:00

Must have been ages since I last uploaded YouTube videos LOL. So here goes one :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's OK, yeah it's OK
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
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:) LOL, every line of the song can be related to something between us X)

Approximately 8 hours have passed since your nap time, but not planning on interrupting your sleep, Tuesday is your free day after all :)

Have a good sleep, sweet dreams! Will be waiting till you wake up. :D
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This portion would've come out differently if Nabri hadn't talked to me.

I have much sorting out to do.

Let's just say that school, isn't messed up, no it isn't.

I am.

2009-09-27T23:47:00.003+08:00

It is now 2:39AM, I started this post at approximately 11:40AM.

Gosh, after long hours of toiling at the WR, it's finally done! :D

Or at least, what we aimed to accomplish has been accomplished, whether it is up to our supervising tutor's standards of approval, would be another story. But hey, we did what we could in such a short matter of time, really thankful for everyone's sheer effort! :) It's a pity our survey is still not approved yet after so long though, but we'll get to it eventually! :D

Really haven't been able to find the time/energy to blog so, trying to muster any remainder of energy to blog after a good round of WR editing. XD

As usual, been busy with either school stuff or PW (which is school stuff as well -.-). I've been busy (and happy) during the weekends as well <3!
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VANESSA!~<3

Yeah, one thing we realized is that, perhaps we're eating too much :X Sides, dessert isn't really necessary, things are sweet enough as they are already~ XD Once in a while wouldn't hurt, but perhaps it's time we exercised a little restraint eh? :) Haha speaking of which, after promos=swimming/exercising madness k? X) Must get fit and obtain a healthy BMI as well, you know why! XD

As time goes by, I've realized I've become much happier and motivated and missing you more and more during the weekdays with each passing week XD You've really changed me for the better and I hope I have done the same for you, haha~ :D

Even we're not there in school for each other physically, we'll always be there for each other no matter what! :)

School resumes once more, last few weeks of struggling, you can do it k! Stay strong!! :) After that we can enjoy all we want, heehee~ X)

JAMMING! RAWR~ XD

I love you~ :)
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With regards to whatever happened in the previous post, it's been settled already, thanks for the concern :)

It's just, always being paranoid and thinking too much, I think I've heard that way too many times.

Apparently not enough though, LOL!

Haha OK, on the verge of collapse already, I should really get going LOLOL~~

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

It is now 3:00AM, and I really should get sleeping :D

2009-09-24T21:56:00.004+08:00

Seriously just lost the mood for anything. It's stupid, I probably have no right to feel this way. But yeah, I'm feeling this way.

It's like I've been taken a fool of for quite some time.

Always have been.

Weak, immature, inexperienced, useless.

Never had been a good friend. I guess it's no wonder.

So it's my fault now.

It is.

GAH.

2009-09-24T20:42:00.002+08:00

Been quite a while since I last posted, been busy, been tired, been so happily in love :)

Still am, LOL :D

Just going to take a while off to post before getting back to WR. ><

The last time I posted was on Thursday last week LOL. So let's sum things up for a bit. :)

Weekends were spectacular as always, and given that it was the long weekends, there was much quality time to be spent, haha :D Tuesday was replaced by Monday's timetable, which meant a long Tuesday at school. Wednesday was much shorter, and had time to study and hang out after that, yay~ <3 Thursday morning, got a good breakfast at Cheers with Vanessa, and then we parted at the bus stop, a different one this time round ><

And today's Thursday is now over, one more Friday to go! :)

Got much work to do though, Econs Essay and WR are currently the more pressing assignments at hand :/

Russsshhhhhhh ><

Much on my mind to blog about, but perhaps shall touch on it some other day.

But in short:

Vanessa: Trust!! Can't wait for the weekends~ :)

Nabri: If you're reading this. As said in the SMS, hope you're feeling better now, it's not the end of the world, no matter what, we'll be there for you. Be strong ah, see you tomorrow!

Saturday, is quite a weird day. But it'll be as simple as that.

Shall blog some other time.

2009-09-15T22:57:00.002+08:00

Apparently this blog wasn't as low profile as I thought it was. Then again, it is open to the public after all, just that well, I am surprised. -.-

Weekends were amazing as always :) Sweet time together, haha~ :D Can't wait for the next one, the long weekend! :D And with that, the holidays came to a close.. ><

School started, rushing to finish incomplete work for submission, worrying about tests, etc. Besides that, lessons were pretty much OK.

Math test tomorrow, GP promotional exams on Friday.. ><

Oh well, there's a lot of time to study for Math tomorrow after school :D

Thanks for the well wishes Vanessa :) Sure hope I can do OK this time round! :D

Should get to sleep now.