I love getting drunk.

But I'm poor, so I don't get to drink much.

I'm underage, so I don't get to drink much.

And if she's completely against it, I'd have to stop. It''ll be hard to just break away from alcohol, for I love it, but not as much as I love her. So I can do it, but she was okay with it. Now YAY.

But she doesn't love me.

And by getting drunk, I'd temporarily rid myself of thinking so much about her, thinking so much about how much she doesn't love me, thinking so much about how fucked up everything in life can get. I'm a person who thinks way too much, so getting drunk helps.

But it is merely a temporary relief. It just won't do.

And of course, drunk people get really wild, and laugh at every single thing. In worse cases, they beat people up, or get beaten up. It is rather high a sensation, getting drunk, I love it. And in the least, I can control myself, maintaining my rationality.

Not like, the normal me had any rationality to begin with, or have I?

Whatever, another thing to note is the burning and somewhat tingling sensation in the stomach when alcohol is consumed, it is not similar to gastric pain. In fact, it is quite enjoyable and lovely.

But hey, don't get influenced to start drinking here, unless you're life is fucked. For I don't want to be a bad influence. But as compared to smoking, abusing of drugs and glue sniffing ETC, drinking is the cleverest and healthiest way to rid yourself of your worries-

Temporarily.

I mean, drinking can also be something casual, like how businessmen entertains their clients ETC, it is more of a skill or something of the sort. So why not? Just don't drink too much like some mad fuck, kill your liver, and die.

Change of subject

I am lonely.

I know, despite amongst the few friends that I have, few are true. Shouldn't that suffice?

Others have tons of friends. These kind of people, I can most certainly say, would probably have the same number of true friends as I have, or more, or less, or none at all.

But yet, the are happy, never lonely, due to the accompaniment from these so called friends. I am lonely, but why?

I have few people who care, shouldn't that be enough? My brother, whom I am sensing the care in him fading away. Allah, who in the least cares, I hope my knowledge is accurate. Shit, I'm having doubts. Wait, I think too much.

Oh my, that is all? Pathetic, really. Truth is, numbers don't matter. But I could sure do with greater numbers; I'm greedy too.

Like anyone needs to be cared for in order to survive, all we need is air, food and water. But what would we continue living for?

We live on to be loved? To be cared for? To live longer?

I have to avoid answering "Yes" to two questions in order to live on.

I also live, awaiting her love, which seemingly will never exist.

I should delude myself like many others, and live my life happy. It is because most people are deluded, that they never are lonely.

Happy family.