Everything isn't given a 100% assurance. And without that, I never make a move. I stay stagnant and rot. I know its stupid and not productive at all. But I'm doing it all the same. Fuck that.

Even for the things I wish for, I don't do much. Especially when its so not assured.

I wish for our band to become very good. But darn it, I'm not doing enough. I'm not working hard enough. Its not a noble dream, and people keep discouraging me, darn.

I wish for you to love me. But darn it, I'm not doing enough. I'm not working hard enough.

I'm supposed to get good results for O levels, but darn it, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Unmotivated, passive, no passion and no drive. Because of no assurance.

And most people around me delight at discouraging me in the things that I do. Even worse.

What if I study like some mad dog and still don't get good results?

What if I practiced so much yet people don't like my face and our band gets booed of stage?

What if I did everything I could do to improve myself for you to love, did all the things you'd like me to do for you, yet in the end, your eyes, they fall for another, and my efforts lay to waste? I keep telling myself to have faith in you, that perhaps I stand a chance once I improve myself.

I'm just an insecure bastard.

I keep asking myself, what if? Eventually my time spent amounts to nothing. I'll never do enough. I need assurance. A lame joke would be to joke about the Pokemon move, Assurance. Someone give me the TM?

But serious, I don't know why, but I need assurance. Not insurance. Stagnant bastard, deserves some slapping.

Next week study? Perhaps.