I hate such horrible nightmares. Yes, my hallucinations have been getting from bad to worse. When I awoke, I was so convinced that what I had dreamt of was real! Please don't ask what I've dreamt of, it caused me to have difficulty brushing my teeth without puking, and I had little appetite for breakfast.

Scary really, I never knew there were such horrible things that could be conjured up from within me.

After confiding with Alastair one of my gory nightmares, he suggested that I was perhaps under too much stress?

I don't know, if I was under any bit of stress, I would have started studying by now.

Yeah and Gran is now calling me a mugger just because I nearly scored full marks for some E-Math test paper. Now I'm referred to as 43. 43 out of 44, I didn't feel happy at all. When I was greeted with something like this, I worried about whether I could keep this up and make it even better.

I'm not thinking straight, seriously, mind's a mess.

One thing that I do understand now is, outside of home, you can make friends, but you'll never get 100% attention and concern. So, I'm learning to take it quite well now. If I lose a friend like you to other people, it means I haven't put in enough effort to keep our relationship strong enough for you to not leave me.

So like today, a lot of people were talking to this special person who cares about me, I felt that tiny bit of soreness well up inside me. But when the special person still could come over on her own accord to talk to me, I felt so much better. Then I was reminded of my situation with " her ". Yeah, a lot of people have been talking to her, she's been making new friends. I completely don't understand who she is now. She wouldn't let me probe too far.

She seriously doesn't give further effort in trying to rebuild our friendship. I know something must have happened, it was just so sudden, she just became so cold and less bothered. The only effort she'd put in is to give a reply once in a while.

Now talking of her own accord is impossible. And if I go too far, there would be no need to tell me off or accommodate my nonsense by replying once more. I rather she tell me off than just ignore me, then I can learn what not to say and what to say to make things better.

Now, these new friends she has made don't think too highly of her, can laugh at me, and do other useless stuff. Your good friends you're slaving for, good for you.

Honestly? I don't want to worry about anything for now. I want to just give up everything else, lock myself in the room and study forever.

Call me a mugger, call me a no-life, I'm not going to give a shit now. I'm going hardcore. I don't want to disappoint them, that's the priority.

Bye Bye.