Sigh. Why does your reactions/no reactions tell me that I'm so detestable?

OK, really have to study. Fuck whatever happened. Escape is merely an excuse. I can't tolerate this constant urge to escape from reality.

I'm weak, and no one likes to talk to those who are weak. I shouldn't let that bring me down, as it only makes me even weaker. No, that shouldn't be the way. Must fucking get stronger and show you.

I can't stand it that you're suddenly bitching at me like that and not explaining me why you're doing this to me. I wish you would just explain what happened so I can fix it.

Rest assured, not talking about crush.

Enough fretting. Whatever comes, not going to take it to heart. I thought you were someone great that I could work hard for and please. But everything just has to be sudden, mysterious, harsh and unexplained. Not going to let it hinder me, I've been stalled for long enough. So, as fucked up as you're being right now, I can't afford to just sit here and mope about it. Fucking chuck it aside and don't question it.

For the sake of greater results, I have to become more sinister and nonchalant.

What Julian shared with me today was so inspiring. Just this two more months of hell, for the best results you can make in what time you have left. Shouldn't relax anymore. Get ample rest. Think of relaxing after the O's. Julian is just so much stronger than me, in so many aspects. Admirable, really.

Oh yeah, EXCERCISE.