Lots of bad incidents today.

What happened today was horrible.

I know, it's my fault that I never asked Ms Saras to clarify my doubts. I never did. On that notion, its my fault, blame me for being meek and anti-social.

Does it reflect that I don't care about Biology? Whoa, then I don't know what I've been doing all this while.

I know, I'm not good still, so I can't say much.......

And another thing, only when we were told that there was no Biology session on that day, only then did we look for Mrs Oh for Geography, I'm not pushing all the blame to Ying Shiang, but hey, was misinformed, so, what do you want from me?

I know Physics period is reserved for Ms Saras to help us for Biology but, we were informed that there was no Biology lesson on that day initially, so, what to do?

Let's use an analogy, say PE lesson.

Someone told me that all the PE teachers were absent.

So I'm expected to sit on the track and wait? If I'm told the PE teachers won't be coming, I'll go do some Math HW or something. You expect me to stone there and wait for the teachers to appear, when the information I received tells me that the teachers won't be coming?

It's a waste of time to wait for nothing. I was told that there was no Biology lesson on that day, so I'm supposed to wait outside of the Biology Lab regardless of this piece of information?

Of course, the information turned out to be wrong, I'm supposed to know that?

Mrs Oh had been wanting to meet us urgently for our Geography, which was horribly weak. So, when told that there was no Biology, I wasn't going to just stone there.

You know what Ms Saras, if you are somehow able to find this blog, I'd like to say this.

I'd only give up on Geography. The thought of giving up on Biology never crossed my mind before.

Geography papers tend to backfire at you. And no way am I going to chuck in tonnes of examples to use for LDQ. Sides, the pictures always turn out to be incomprehensible.

I can only say I'm sorry for squandering your sheer efforts in trying to help me and the others. I'd say sorry to myself for being the emotional bullshit that I am, so I never took the initiative to ask you anything.

Now, you make everything seem so bleak.

If this is reverse psychology, which doesn't seem so, it ain't working.

It's like you condemn me to get a B or a C. You condemn me as lazy.

What you said made me wonder, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN STAYING UP TILL 2-3 AM EVERY SINGLE NIGHT TO DO WORK?

YOU CALL THIS LAZY? BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST I CAN MANAGE. I'M SORRY, THIS STILL MEANS I'M LAZY.

SO WHAT IF I LOOK LAZY? DOES IT MEAN YOU SHOULD CONDEMN ME LIKE THAT?

Now I feel so useless and ineffective all over again.

It's no good, I want to collapse already. And I have to hear such discouraging words from Ms Saras, makes everything I've been trying to do lose its meaning.

You know what, I should lay off this post for now. Mood has been officially killed.

I'll always remain this emotional piece of shit. But I still have to do work and cope with what people throw at me, words, criticism, nothingness, damnation and all that.

By the way, I'm seriously wasting my time here when I should be doing work.

Simply put, I'm screwed. I'm walking towards death. I've had enough of indignant retorts. I better get over this and start moving on. This time, with an A for Biology in mind. Yet if I don't get the A, it won't look good. Because I just said I'll work towards it.

Looks like this actually has some form of reverse psychology, in a very negative and sinister way. Now I'll have more sleepless nights.

Everyone's crazy, because we were all sane once.

My head is throbbing, my vision is blurring up. This is it, I might actually collapse. Let the next heart attack not be so painful. I hate cholesterol.