Mental Illness

Can I? May I? Will you let me move now? Can you please respond? Can I be more patient? But what if I'm waiting for nothing to happen, as usual? What's happening that I do not know about? ARGH.

The Studies

JC syllabus is rather heavy, I'd need some serious help from people who are really good. People who I actually want to learn from. But where are they?

Yet, now's not the time to be picky eh?

I tried asking for help, and waited throughout the whole day, no SMS returned in response. Picky, yes. Seeking comfort, yes. Hopeful fool, yes. Yet, I just didn't know who to turn to, I tried, and you weren't there.

At least, no response. Quite a despair. Maybe should sign up for tuition or something, don't know.

Makes me wonder why I even tried in the first place.

Tomorrow, gotta try clearing up work even though I don't know how to go about doing it. Madness I tell you.

It's dumb, but better than never tried at all.

Fool.

OK, let's move on.

The Jerks

There are just some people who I am disgusted at, yet who am I to be a judge of anyone's character?

For some cases, I know deep down within myself, that it's jealousy at work. I can be much of a sore thumb at times. Inferiority.

All of these negative impressions of such people, I'd have to suppress and not voice out. And hopefully it'll just die off inside me.

Another important thing is, that the energy could be used for something more productive. So just heck it. Just forget it. Feign niceness.

The Problem

And just before I head to sleep.

At the end of the day, it pains me to know that, we can't even be friends. Even the most simple thing is refused by you. It's worse than just being strangers.

This cold treatment.

This foolish waiting.

This illusion of us being friends.

And instead, we're here, in this irreparable mess.

I need to forget it all, cleanly.

Screw this emo post, I don't know what the fuck I've done, for things to have ended up so badly.

It's that bad? Worse than that? That's so sad.

TOO BAD. GO DIE. LIKE I CARE.

My days are numbered, just so you know. There's a number for each day, you see.

The sentimental dwell. I haven't been scarred. And I know that this is pathetic moping, been there. I have to get out of this quickly, there's a JC life I need to catch up on.

Simple lags can kill. And time won't wait for you.

I cling. I keep getting put down. I can't think properly anymore.

WHAT THE HELL MAN. YOU.

Sanity check, I should sleep before anything drastic happens.

So, even if life would be a short one, it doesn't mean that it should be wasted away.

Voice, I'd say it, yet I'm not saying it. It's here, but you won't know of it.

That was all I have, yet it takes more than just.

All the incomplete sentences.

All the unsaid words.

I think this post is just making things worse. I shall sleep now.