Wonder how long can I keep this up. I don't wanna change just like this. But the longer this goes on, the less meaning it is to be a nice person anymore.

I said I'd leave you alone to the best of my ability, so you can be happy and free. So if you're reading this and don't think you can take it, then I guess you should stop like, now. I need to vent all this out, bottling it all up by myself, I'll seriously just lose it someday.

I don't want to go back to those old days where I hated myself, her and everything else, I can look back and know how stupid that was, how it wasn't helping anything.

But this time it's different. This time I did get the girl. This time we got closer than I thought I could get with anyone else. This time I thought it'll be the one and only time. This time I thought we were invincible. That we would always be there for each other no matter what, through thick and thin, for all time. I mean, isn't that what you do for someone you truly love?

I gave it my all. Sure I had my flaws, we had our flaws. And that's when arguments happened, but we were supposed to move on and improve on ourselves each time it happens. Nobody argues over no reason at all. And frankly, most of the time that we argue, you couldn't see my point and I couldn't see yours. To both of us, each of us were just being ridiculous. And it always came to the conclusion that we'll just put it aside and move on.

No relationship is perfect after all, no one is. Definitely you'll face those ups and downs and arguments amidst those good times. But it's part of loving one another that we choose to improve on ourselves and become better for one another.

I'd like to bring back this quote that I guess will stick with me for quite a long time since the last time I heard it.

" When something or someone is really giving you problems, then stop and think about it: ' Do I really have to let this bother me? ' "

I never knew you would someday think like that too. But now looking at the environment you and I were put in, it comes as no surprise.

Seriously. OK I shouldn't say anything more before this gets uglier.

But know this. In spite of all that has happened, I can never bring myself to hate you. Because I wasn't the one who let go of all this, it's not that I'm still hanging on in hope of us getting back together again, for I know it's no longer possible.

If you believe you're happier now, having not to go through what we had to go through, being apart for months while you headed back home, being from a different JC, staying a distance from each other, struggling through NS, then go ahead, you know I just want you to be happy like always.

I meant it when I said I had too much to live for, which was you. I meant it when I said you were worth the pain. And I believed in you.

Now look what happened, look how it crumbled.

Sorry but I just had to be selfish for a bit. I can't keep living like this. I don't have a new partner with me to keep me going. Not like I need it, or any sort of replacement for that matter. I don't have the fun life you're having now.

Yet in spite of all this. You know. I'll still always be there for you no matter what.

I guess now even if something does happen in CBRE, I'd go with less regret. But it shouldn't be that fierce la eh? XD

OK, I should get going.