And in this day I walk in your shoes. Understanding what you were going through. Realizing that your decision was doing both of us a favor. I was the one still holding on, but I along with circumstances, broke you. How was anyone to come back from that? We were not strong enough and did not grow enough. I've come to realize all that now.
Since that day, I've thought that I could never love again. Silly boys grow up, minds mature and opportunities are out there if you were to open your mind to it. I was then driven by Corinthians 13:4-8, that if I were to love again, then strive to love in that manner. In fact, love everyone in that way as much as possible, friends, family and all. Life brightened up so much since then.
Then you came along. Time together and as circumstances would have it, things just happened. There were barriers and trust issues to overcome, but love was supposed to persevere. That I did. Many times tested, many times I held on to it. Experience and guiding principles saw me through things, I would never waver, much less think about walking away with another. I thought these words would see me through it all, I thought progressing would rid you of all these problems and doubts, I thought I was invincible. But I was naive. Terribly naive.
I shut myself out from most things quite a great deal, compromised and kept walking on. If you were happy, even if at my expense, everything was OK. Perhaps it came down to too much compromise, too much giving and eventually losing a sense of self. Terribly naive.
I'm guessing I did break through those barriers and trust issues, we have come this far after all. But as you said, things may have been taken for granted, feelings may not have been well considered, words may have been carelessly said. This was nothing new to us, we've been there multiple times, agreeing that it should stop there each time, but it just didn't.
The days where you'd doubt the love and the life entrusted to you. The days where things just never seemed to be enough. The days where you would place that divide and it doesn't feel like we're a team. We've been there several times and I've told you such words and behavior serves nothing but to push us backwards and hurt the relationship. We'd agree to work on it each time but things never really went away. Perseverance without resolution to a problem, even the best may crumble and fall with enough hurt. I wasn't as strong as I thought I could be, an oversight on my part.
And here I am today, broken and lost as to how things could be put back together. I am well aware of the weight of my decision, my responsibility to you and how much pain you're being put through. But at this point, perseverance can no longer be the answer. It should never have been. I did you no favors in foolishly persevering even though these problems kept coming back to us. While it indeed is a terrible timing, its better that we assess our situation now than any later time down the road.
The time is ticking... What is the answer? What is the solution?
